Why Aren’t You With The Girl Next Door?

In 2004 there was a movie called the “Girl Next Door”. The movie’s plot focused on a young man who falls for his new neighbour, and is shocked to find out from a friend that she is in fact, an ex-porn star.

In 2005, Hef created a reality show that focused on his 3 “girlfriends” (nursemaids? Personal Care Attendants? Legal Counsel? I digress…) and called it “The Girls Next Door”.

The idea of the quintessential Girl Next Door is a product of American literature… think Tom Sawyer and Becky. The idea of the boy being in love with the girl next door is as old as the archetype itself. Somewhere in the last 10 years, the idea of a girl next door went from being “Becky” (heh, Becky) to this:

Tell me something guys…how many women living next to you look like this?

Expectations have now changed as to what the girl next door means, and while there was once a time that the girl next door was the ultimate “get”, she has now been reduced to second runner-up status. She’s become the second runner-up to this other Girl Next Door and her offshoots.

I live in a big city (Toronto), which is also a place that I call an “industry” town. Movies are shot here, Fashion Week, TIFF…not to mention the corporate offices for various agencies, industries, etc. We’re at the heart of things. As a result, it’s not uncommon that there are a bunch of people here that are a little bit “more” than average.

I was having a conversation with a friend of mine who is exploring online dating. His critique of some of the women that come up as matches was that they all seemed to be the “girl next door” type. But, coming from him (and for many others), I recognized that “girl next door” wasn’t exactly praise…it was an insult.

Girls next door are now generic, regular, run of the mill.

It’s not expected that these girls next door have any unique interests, or have anything special to offer…

Oh Houston. The problems. The problems we are having with this.

Based on my blog stats, most of my readers live in cities…big cities that are very much like mine (let me take a moment to shout out NYC, Oakland, Manilla, and Sydney). You also live in the heart of it. So guess what? Your perceptions are pretty…


As I put it to my friend, so many of you are used to seeing models, actresses, wannabe models, and wannabe actresses, that you think this is “average”. It’s not.

The AVERAGE American woman is:
5’3, 166 lbs, and has a 37″ waist

The AVERAGE Canadian woman is:
5’3.4, 153 lbs, and has a 34″ waist

The AVERAGE British woman is:
5’3.8, 147 lbs, and has a 36″ waist

Guess what? The average fit model (the ones they use to make clothes) is no shorter than 5’7, weighs anywhere between 110 and 115 lbs, and has a waist that is about 26.5 – 28.5″. Fit models are the ones who aren’t exactly runway or print material…


I have a theory: all those other cities that we don’t live in? The ones that don’t have agencies, studios, or head offices? Those cities and towns don’t have models, actresses, public relations models, video girls, or any of the wannabes?

They all moved to your city. So what was once the prettiest girl back home, is now just an average girl walking down these city streets.

Yup. The ratio of “average” to “more than average” is a little bit skewed. Even the women who aren’t models, actresses etc., the ones that I call “shiny”… well, the sidewalk is their runway…and you are spectator to it.

So what happens to those AVERAGE girls? The ones who really do live next door to you? Are you passing them by?

Yes. Yes you are.

Because, compared to the shiny women, the models, and the wannabes, they  have become easy to overlook.

“Sweatpants, hair tied, chilling with no makeup on…” Pffft. Shut up Aubrey.

Those average girls who live next door to you are very datable… and fuckable. They have varied interests, hobbies, and pursuits. They also enjoy going out and having fun…they may not do it every week like it’s their job, but they do. The average girl next door also watches porn, has a healthy sexual appetite, and can be just as fun as those other “Girls Next Door” you seek…if not more so.


You’re ignoring them – ignoring a wide range of women – all because they have the misfortune of living next door to the Girls Next Door.

Take a moment to reset your thinking for a sec. Put down the magazines, shut off the laptop, don’t watch a Drake video. Stop and look at the women who are standing in line at the grocery store, walking down the street, or sitting across from you in the coffee shop.

Are they pretty? Are they laughing? Do they seem approachable?

Girls next door usually are…

I want you to take a look around and see what you’re missing because you’ve overlooked it.

Some would argue that by doing this, I’m asking that you darling boys lower your standards. No…no I’m not. I’m asking you to be realistic about those standards. Because, women are just as guilty of doing this.

Ever felt overlooked at the club because of all those 6′ dudes running around? Yeah. Well, in Toronto, we’re home to a basketball, hockey, football, lacrosse and soccer team. Athletes kinda flock here. So do models, actors, musicians, and all the wannabe models, actors, and musicians.

See what happens?

That’s when you get a bunch of Girls Next Door saying that they only date men who are 6 feet or taller, the ones who are ballers, the ones who have a girl and don’t have to wish about calling her…


So everyone is overlooking everyone else in pursuit of standard that doesn’t really exist… on average.

How’s that working out for you?



4 thoughts on “Why Aren’t You With The Girl Next Door?

  1. girl.


    i’d add more..but my brain can’t put together a coherent sentence. my mind is blown with how simple it can FINALLY be broken down in terms easy enough for men AND women to grasp.

    i’ll be in a corner..

    ps: i’ll also add that when you though social psychology into the mix and people only look to certain cultures to date.. the amount of people being overlooked increases tenfold…

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