I am not a pick up artist.
I was reading about this guy and his kickstarter campaign, which of course set me off on a rant
But then, a male acquaintance countered with this:
You write advice for guys on how to get women, have sex, et cetera. What’s the difference between you and him? #devilsadvocate
I wanted to reach through the screen and punch him, but I thought maybe I should explain my POV.
Years ago, HLBB started when a male friend (a different one) sent a question out to a group of women that was about dating and age differences. What ended up happening was an hours long email thread debating the question.
Each woman had different viewpoints. We didn’t all agree with each other, and we all had story to tell. For most of us, our background was in Television, which prompted me to write at the end of the thread, “wouldn’t have this been awesome if we had filmed this for other guys to watch?”
Which happened. In between the video shoots I’d do short blog pieces.
Another friend (male) had just started up a humour site with his brother and had asked me for feedback. He liked my feedback so much, he invited me to the house to brainstorm.
Brainstorm as in brainstorm. (Get your minds out of the gutter.)
Know this: if I come to your house and there are books on display, I’m reviewing your books (and possibly passing judgment). What I found on this gorgeous man’s shelf was this book:
I was disappointed. I picked it up and said something to the effect of, “what are you doing with this shit!?!”
Curiosity was his reason/excuse. I was confused. I mean this is a man who successfully picked ME – Queen of the Screwface – up in a nightclub. There was nothing in this book that could possibly help him. Brainstorm session tossed aside, and we ended up debating the book for over an hour. Because it’s filled with the same old bullshit, I was able to tell my friend the contents of the advice by only reading the synopsis. I railed about the “nice guy myth”, Dimitri the Lover (you’ll have to Google him…I’m not giving him page views) and how easy it can be to just be honest.
He said, “not every guy has the confidence or the knowledge. That’s why this guy sells. He’s like their wingman.”
Me: “THE BEST WINGMAN IS A WOMAN! If there is a lawyer and a mechanic in front of me, which one will I ask for advice about my car? If men want advice about women, they should be asking WOMEN! Not other guys. I should fucking start a site that gives REAL advice.”
Him: “you should.”
That my darlings, was how this site was born. Because I wanted to challenge the advice from these so called “artists”.
Here’st the twist (if you don’t already know): my advice is not my advice…about 90% of the time the stories/rants/situations are based on conversations I have with other women.
I then report the details back to you.
Every once in a while, I’ll share something from my life directly…but as my girlfriends know, I save the good shit for carefully distributed emails/texts. Which usually ends up with them saying “why isn’t this on the blog?”
Reality, kids…that’s what I’m peddling here.
Not fantasy. Not techniques. Not my opinions in a narcissistic bubble.
So that’s why I’m not a pick up artist. It takes a certain kind of person to be one, and a certain kind of person to fall for that bullshit. I don’t now these kinds of people. Being a PUA is not about engagement, honesty, or confidence. It’s about men in costumes (“peacocking”) giving soliloquies to women about false achievements, and being a bully towards the object of their misguided affection.
I ain’t about that fuckery. If you are, or if you even think that I would give any advice advocating that, you can stop reading now.
I’ve been saying this for years, I would LOVE to debate a PUA…but none have – ahem – risen to the challenge. If you know any, send them my way.