Open Forum: The State of Relationships…

Writing what I write, the topic of relationships comes up often. Almost daily…

Not in one. Searching for one. Just got out of one. Looking to getting out of one. relationships Have more than one… the list is ongoing. But with one major underlying theme…

We’re fucking frustrated.

What are we doing about it?

For the singles, I’ve invited people out to a singles mixer and while there has been turnout, with an interesting mix of characters, it’s not at all close to the turnout I expected or, for that matter, the one that I promised the venue that graciously donated the space (wipes egg off face).

My expectations? They were based on the feedback I received when I was floating this idea around.

“Oh my god! That’s so needed! Amazing idea! I can’t wait for it to start!”


So, the next time a single person complains to me about not being able to meet people, I’m going to look them in the eye, scream “ARE YOU KIDDING ME?”, and then calmly walk away.

For those of you that in relationships, let’s talk about that word. Are you “in” a relationship?  Or is it a quasi relationship? It looks like a duck, walks like a duck, and definitely fucks like a duck, but it’s not a duck. If you were asked to define it, you’d call it everything but a damn duck.

When I questioned this approach, I was asked, “why are labels so important?” Okay. Next time you go to a grocery store, imagine everything in a white box. No identifiers. No labels. No expiration dates. What would you buy? Would you not question if what you’re getting out of the meat section is really meat? That the milk hadn’t gone bad? Wouldn’t you want to see whether the vegetables were rotting or not?

Nope. You just gotta take my word for it. It’s food. It’s good. We eat it. Why do we need to label it?

Then, there are some of you who are in relationships and want out. Breakups, divorce, emails to me that begin with, “I’m not sure I want to do this anymore…” I’ve been asked for advice on what words to use in a breakup speech, where and how to cheat (which I don’t condone, but have written about), and even if I would be there when they broke up with the person…to act as a mediator of sorts. So yeah, I get it…some of y’all are desperate to get out.

So get out. Life is too short to be miserable. The other person may not realize it, but they’re miserable too; they just don’t realize you’re the source of it (being miserable is contagious). So, someone needs to be the bigger man/woman and end things…

Hold up…

I guess it’s easy for me to sit here behind my computer and thrown down statements. So I’m going to stop.

Your turn.

What’s the state of relationships, and why?


One thought on “Open Forum: The State of Relationships…

  1. Now loading… Please wait.

    I think that relationships are alive and well, though the market is so flooded with ‘spam’ that it’s tough to find strong connections. Perhaps the strength and wholeness of a ‘connection’ has been deteriorated by the digital use of the word ‘connection’….woah…what do I mean?

    I mean… perhaps the human concept of time is in fluctuation due to a world that increasingly moves toward connectivity immediacy. This fluctuation may have an indirect impact on the quality of relationships.

    Just think about the difference between ‘click to connect’ and ‘sit to connect’ – here, I mean online connections versus offline connections. When we (myself included) get trapped in the world of immediate connections, perhaps our understanding of offline time has changed slightl…um…yeah…slightly. A few questions to help (I’m new to this blogging thing)

    Who has the time to sit and talk for 1- 2 hours… without checking some kind of screen?

    Who has the ‘time’ to just go out, and talk to a potential partner, without trying to see them as a potential partner at all?

    Who has the ‘time’ to create physical social scenarios that isolate oneself with their potential partner to really get to know them (i.e. no external distractions, like loud music, and other humans)?

    Who has the ‘time’ to divorce themselves from the self-created checklists that we make for our potential ‘ideal’ partner?

    Alright, now go back to the above 4 questions and change all of the “has” words from the above questions, and replace them with “makes”…. try it out… no… seriously.

    Now, I am no expert about the subject, but, perhaps information access has created an illusion that there are so many more potential avenues that we can travel down in order to find a ‘special someone’. The world seems so much larger these days (to me anyway) when you look through the online lens, but, in reality, we still have the limits of time…no?

    I’m not trying to blame technology at all, but, perhaps an acknowledgement of the potential impact of computer technology will generate a kind of thinking that helps us think about…well…time – The ‘time’ it takes to craft (and maintain) a relationship. I don’t think it can be as immediate as we’re being trained it can be through our computer technologies (see ‘any’ social media connection algorithm).

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