Everyone, this will seem like a relatively easy question, but the truth is… I don’t really know how to answer this…
He and his girlfriend have broken up after 4 years…
The details of the breakup are not important, but no cheating happened.
It has not been an easy breakup…
The problem is this: who gets the friends? Specifically, his BEST friend.
Because the best friend is HER brother.
Now, they weren’t friends prior to the relationship; they met when she brought him home to meet the fam. As He was new to the city, He met a lot of his friends through his new best friend. A circle was formed.
They are the “bail your ass out of jail” type friends…the “lend the keys to my car” type friends…the “don’t tell my girlfriend that I did this” type friends. Since neither of them have a male sibling, they became “brothers”.
As this breakup gets messier, and a lot of issues come up to the surface, the brother is getting dragged into the middle. He has tried to stay neutral, but on the one hand, his best friend is going through a horrible breakup (even crashed on his couch for a while post major blowout) and on the other, his sister is going through a horrible breakup, and texts/calls/emails for advice.
He has tried to be the supportive friend, reasoning that his sister has a BFF of her own to turn to. His mother chewed him out for that…
He has tried to distance himself from his friend, but…this is his best friend. Who does he turn to when he needs someone?
His sister has said “I’ll hate that you are still friends with him, but I understand.”
His friend has said nothing…mutual friends have told him that he’s hurt because he lost his girlfriend and his best friend, but he won’t push it. Apparently the words “collateral damage” were used.
He wants to be able to maintain this friendship…this guy was supposed to be his best man…someday.
How does he keep the peace?
Most of my friends who have siblings are usually so separate in their lives, that the chances of them developing a friendship with a sibling’s partner are slim to none. For myself? I’ve only ever dated a friend’s brother once…briefly. She and I had been friends for many years before that relationship started, he and I did not discuss details with her, and the breakup was a blip on the radar…
So, I don’t know how to answer this. Where does the brother’s “loyalty” lie?
My two cents: he should be able to remain friends with his best friend without any guilt.