In your pursuit of pussy, some of you have developed the misguided notion that, there are certain scenarios that you will find yourself in, and that this means you are entitled to receive pussy.
Actually, I think there are more…but these seem to be the recurring ones.
Scenario Number 1: “I’m a Nice Guy”
To which I say, “oh, fuck off!”
If being nice was all it took to get pussy, Mr. Rogers would’ve drowned in a sea of vagina sometime around September of 1975.
I get it, you’re nice. You do nice things. You pick her up after last call…just to give her a ride home. You take her out to dinner to cheer her up…when her boyfriend/crush/illicit lover has dropped the ball. You help her take out her weave before a hair appointment. You walk her dog when she has the flu. Blah blah blah blah blah.
If you are doing all of these “nice” things in hopes that you’ll be rewarded with an all expenses paid trip to her coochie, stop. Stop right now.
Disclaimer: it’s a huge pet peeve of mine when people do “nice” things in order to receive nice things in return. It’s do unto others as you would have them do to you, not do unto others as you expect them to do unto you in return.
If you are doing these things simply because you think that by doing them, you’ll be “rewarded”, then you’re not nice. You’re just a guy running a game with high stakes. If she’s accepting these nice gestures without any acknowledgement, you’re being taken advantage of. If you’re doing these things and she tells you that you’re such a great friend or like a brother to her, it’s because she has no intentions of ever fucking you. Ever.
Because let’s face it. How many women are interested in committing incest?
So yeah. You can keep at it all you want. Spend the money/time/effort. Become embittered. Ramble on about how nice guys finish last. You didn’t finish last; you were never in the starting blocks to begin with.
When I hear a “nice guy” talk about the “nice guy routine” and complain (whine) about the fact that she still picked the asshole, I always ask them, “were you doing this because you like doing nice things for people? Were these the kinds of things you’d do for your best friend? Did you derive any joy out of committing these selfless acts?”
About 99.9% of the time, I get a blank stare or silence in response. So, I continue:
“Because you see, darling boy, a NICE person does nice things because they WANT to. The act alone makes them feel great. Makes them feel rewarded. If you do these types of things for your ‘friends’ all the time, then you would expect no reward. Because the pleasure/satisfaction/joy of doing it WAS the reward. Oh. You wanted to see her naked after picking her up after last call and helping her take out her weave?
No honey. You’re just a chump. Not because she played you, but because you played yourself. Here’s a hanky. Use it for those fake ass tears…or however else you wish to use it.”
Scenario Number 2: I Bought Her a Drink/Dinner/Expensive Pair of Shoes/Car
Unless the terms were explicitly discussed prior to said purchase, you are once again, out of pussy. Let me state that I don’t agree with the societal norms that dictate that men must spend a shitload of money on drinks and expensive shit in order to get pussy. But, sadly, I’ll admit that it helps.
HELPS. Not guarantees it.
IF you choose to go this route and she says, “buy me a drink and I’ll dance with you/stay a little longer/give you a kiss”, well then chances are, she’s telling you to take your chances. If she’s running a game, then all you’ll do is fall for it and buy another round…and let’s not forget the round she’s asking you to buy her friends…
Reality? You’re being tested. You are.
If you’re a man of substance, you know how to get pussy without pulling out your wallet. If she’s testing you, she’ll say “buy me a drink”, as a way for you to buy time…to show her what you’re made of.
I have a friend who is so fucking pretty that a man bought drinks for her AND HER HUSBAND, in his quest to get pussy. Yes, he actually thought that because she accepted the drink that she’d step out on her husband.
(holds head in hands)
One night, when I was out with her, a guy approached to buy drinks. He was meh. He was interrupting our girl’s night of fun. She looked at him and said, “tell me, in 30 seconds why I should let you…”
(I grabbed my imaginary popcorn and sipped my cosmo – yeah I know. A cosmo…it’s her favourite and it was her round)
He proceeded to list a bunch of “status” qualities. When he was done, she said, “nope, you said nothing interesting. And that was more than 30 seconds.”
In my head, I handed him back his balls, and gave him the “poor puppy” look as he walked away defeated and back to his friends.
I’ve given some thought as to what the bomb ass response could’ve been to her challenge. Here’s what I came up with:
“Give me 45 seconds and by the end of it you’ll be buying me a drink.”
“Anything that can be done in 30 seconds isn’t worth doing.”
“It’ll take me 30 seconds to order your drink.”
“Okay, but can I whisper it in your ear?”
See? Challenge the challenge. Raise the stakes without spending a dime.
Now, if you don’t want to challenge yourself, there is one guaranteed way to get pussy in exchange for money spent. Check out the back pages of the weekly magazines.
Scenario Number 3: She Gave it Up To ____ and _____ and _____ and Even _____
Sooooooo. Your local superhead turned your down and you feel put out. Here’s another hanky. Use it for your tears or any other way you’d like.
(insert side eye here)
Slut. Hoe. Freak. DTF Girl. Skank. Whore. My gawd there are a lot of words for women who have lots of sex outside the confines of marriage, aren’t there? There’s also my personal favourite: the woman who is decidedly single and not crying out that she’s lonely or in need of a “cuddle buddy”/ “winter boo” etc. etc.
Which of course means that she’s fucking every dude and is “down for that kind of thing”, right?*
Let me make my position clear on this: IF a woman CHOOSES to have sex with one man or one hundred men, it’s her CHOICE. She could happily have sex with one man for the rest of her life, using the Karma Sutra as their guide, or she could make her own “fuck of the day” calendar.
You may feel that because she’s chosen to have sex with 20 dudes, that you’re next in line. You may feel as if her pussy has a numbering system similar to the one at the butcher’s but no, she’s CHOOSING her partners. Hell, even if she has installed a take a number system in her bedroom, face the facts honey: there are over 7 billion people in the world, half of which are men. Your number may never come up.
She has not chosen you. For whatever reasons SHE has. HER choices are based on HER preferences.
The number of sex partners she has does NOT mean you are automatically entitled to her pussy. It’s that simple.
So let’s recap: you could be at the bar, and being the nice guy that you are, offer to buy a drink for the girl you just saw in the bathroom fucking the guy who just walked out the door.
You are STILL not guaranteed any pussy.
*Yes, that was said to me. His reason for asking? I had (at the time) been single for a few years… Yes, I’m still bitter about the assumption.