This is the story so far
Short version: my wingwoman, my friend, has put me in competition for a man’s interest. Except my competition is her and the man isn’t interested in me. I’m interested in him. We’re in a diner and she’s trying to convince me to go after this guy.
Me: (blank stare) Me? He asked for YOUR number! He’s interested in YOU!
Her: no no no, you STILL don’t see when a man is interested in you? He was only talking to me more because YOU’RE so shy. I’m telling you. Call him…watch. He’ll come back.
She hands me her phone and I realize she’s already dialed him. He answers and I crack a joke referring to part of our conversation earlier. He says in response, “what took you so long to call?”
Me: oh, this is HLBB, not S.
Him: I know…
He immediately came back and joined us at the diner for more conversation. The next day, I told this story to some of my other friends. They all agreed I should go for it, especially since S had insisted she wasn’t interested in him, AND was offering me his number as well as her permission. I was very attracted to Hotness, so I mustered up the courage and texted S requesting the number…
She responded within a minute with the number and the response: “good for you girl! Get him! XO”
I texted Hotness and to my surprise, he was totally cool with it. He even requested my email and instant messaging ID.
Could this be? Really?
A week later, S calls me for an update. I told her that we were in regular contact. Excited for me, she then told me that her ex had pushed for a reconciliation and has started to get on her nerves. She suggested another night out, and we headed back to the same area. As we were on our way there, she pulled out her phone and texted Mr. Hotness to announce our arrival.
It turns out he had texted her earlier that day to ask if she was coming out. I didn’t know this little tidbit until she mentioned it. As we were headed into the establishment…
As we talked, I was made to realize that he’d been in contact with her as much as he had been with me. But while our conversations were about books, music, and movies, theirs were about dates. To me she said, “I only said to him that I’m not ‘ready’ because I don’t want his feelings hurt. He’s too young, he’s (insert religion here), he works all sorts of odd hours. I totally don’t need that. You really don’t need that either, but he likes you and you need to go for this and get laid. Besides, I think I’m going to take back Ex…”
I gave up. I conceded defeat. Call me a chump, but I’ve never competed for man.
She reminded me of how pretty I was, how smart, how funny…blah blah blah. Oh that any man would be an idiot to pass me up. My “problem” was that I didn’t put myself out there. She said if I didn’t, this guy would give up. Because he “could get other women…”
I challenged her theory. I said that he had asked her out, not me. He had asked for her number, NOT mine. SHE may not be (read: admit to being) interested in him, but he is most definitely interested in her. There was only so much bruising my ego could take. She then said that she would prove to me that he was interested in me…
By inviting him to where we were.
He showed up. We all had a great time. Really.
I sat and watched him flirt. I watched her flirt back. I retreated; texted friends and hung out at the bar. She’d drag me on the dance floor and put us at the centre of attention and we ended up shutting the place down. I had stopped caring. I knew I didn’t have a chance. On the way home, she declared that Hotness was sending mixed signals and was not really being clear about which one of us he’s interested in.
Okay, if you’re confused by that statement, imagine how I felt. I encouraged S to leave the bullshit of her Ex behind and enjoy the Hotness. She repeated that Hotness was NOT boyfriend material…
But, if he was interested in her, she may keep him in her back pocket. But that’s only if a: he’s interested and b: if I was cool with it.
As the weeks went on, Hotness and I continued to communicate sporadically. Always, he would ask about S. Conflicted, I didn’t know if she had told him about her Ex. I asked her point blank, and she said she did tell him, but stressed that he was an EX. Hotness would continue to ask her out and she would say, ”maybe”; effectively keeping him in her back pocket. Hotness would ask for my advice and I, feeling like a chump, would give him generic suggestions.
(don’t ask me why I did this… I was obviously stupid).
One night, S and I went out with some girlfriends. Due to other issues in my life, I was in a very bad mood and back then, bad moods meant drinking. On our way home, we bumped into an ex of mine. Thinking that he could take advantage of my drunkenness, he tried to convince me that I needed a ride home. My response was, “honey I’m drunk, but I’m not THAT drunk…”
Well, Hotness – who had coincidentally been summoned by S – showed up at that moment.
Seeing me with my ex, Hotness joked to the group that I was “trying to make him jealous”.
Insert. Awkward. Silence. Here.
S? She was not impressed.
I realized that at that moment, Hotness knew I was attracted to him, and S had misunderstood the joke. The girls went back to S’s place and she proceeded to rant about Hotness. How dare he come over to her place and talk about all the things he wanted to do, but was OBVIOUSLY interested in me. Why didn’t I tell her something was going on between us?
Me: there’s nothing going on! What about Ex? You’re practically back with him. Didn’t you tell Hotness that?
Her: It’s not official. So you need to tell me if you like him or not. I stayed away from him for you.
Me: Huh? You know I like him. But it doesn’t matter. He wants you.
This segued into an argument I was in no way prepared to handle.
The next day, Hotness called me. I spent the next two hours on phone explaining that if he was truly interested in S, he could NOT make jokes like the one he made the night before. I explained that S didn’t get the joke and advised him on how to smooth things over.
By making that phone call on that first night, she put me on the spot, knowing that I wouldn’t rise to the occasion.
S continually engaged a man she “wasn’t” interested in; while “staying away from him” for me.
She asserted her dominance, by communicating with him (texting, calling), in front of me, while saying she was doing it for me.
Even though she had a boyfriend she was in conflict with, she presented herself as single to the guy.
She invited him to where we were, knowing that he’d see me with another man, rendering me “unavailable”.
She painted him as the villan in the situation and said he was trying to play us both, trying to disrupt our friendship.