The Coochie Block – Part 1

1.The act of obstructing one person’s advances towards another. 
2.A situation that obstructs; an obstacle 
3.An act of ill etiquette in which a male is speaking to one female in a group of females, and the alpha female creates a disruptive environment.

This is how urban dictionary describes a cockblock. You will notice that in order to cockblock, the obstructions or disruption are overt and directed specifically at the male. It sucks, it really does. Even the cockblock scenario in description 3 could be when an alpha male disrupts another male in his attempt to pull some action.

The coochie block? Different. The coochie block is much more, covert. You see, when a guy cockblocks, it’s immediately obvious to the other male and to the female in question. When a woman coochie blocks, her opponent may not see it right away and the guy is usually left clueless.

When a guy cockblocks, he’ll tell the other guy flat out that he’s better; when a woman coochie blocks, she’ll tell the other woman she’s just not…good enough. Or, if she really wants to raise the stakes, she’ll say the guy isn’t.

The only way I can really describe this is to tell a story of the first time I was coochie blocked.  It’s a long one… so I’ll tell it in three parts:

Part One:

S and I had met earlier that summer and had become fast friends. She was in a happy long-term relationship (going on five years) and was sporting a rock – even though it was on her right hand. I was free and single and reluctantly mingling. S quickly made it her mission to “get (me) some”, because she couldn’t understand how a woman as “hot” and “smart” as I “could be single”. S declared herself my wingwoman and introduced me to a couple of friends; but that didn’t go anywhere. She’d put us at the centre of attention whenever we went out (a nightmare scenario for me), but I played along.

On a Saturday afternoon, I called to confirm the plans we had made the night before. She answered sounding really rough. I asked what was wrong and through a choked sobs, she said that she and her honey had broken up – as in rings thrown at faces broken up. She was devastated. I rushed over, full of indignation and outrage. I insisted that there would be no way in hell I would let her sit at home wallowing in self pity! WE were going to go out and feel fabulous about ourselves. No men. No flirting…just a night for us to blow off some steam. Sisterhood. Solidarity. Shots. S smiled through her tears and declared me a good friend. We both got ready and headed out looking for a spot a friend of mine owned…

We got lost.

I spotted a guy setting up the patio of his establishment for the evening. I tapped him on the should and said “excuse me, do you know where—-“

I forgot what I was supposed to say next because this man’s gorgeousness had rendered me speechless. S stepped up and finished my sentence for me. His reaction to S was essentially what my reaction to him was. Realizing instantly that there was nothing mutual between Hotness and I, so I instinctively hung back. He invited us to join him at his establishment and we did, since we couldn’t find the other spot. For the next hour and half, the three of us chatted, laughed and debated a bunch of stuff. Throughout our conversation, a horribly dressed dude kept walking by and giving S the eye. Mr. Hotness spotted this and tried to play wingman much to S’s dismay. After sending the poor boy on his way, S cussed Mr. Hotness and yelled:

NO FUCKING WAY! I JUST GOT OUT OF RELATIONSHIP FIVE HOURS AGO! I’M NOT INTERESTED IN ANYONE OR ANYTHING!

Alrighty then.

We continued to talk and the more we did, the more Mr. Hotness and I had in common. Shared interests, values, beliefs (yup…we talked a lot). When the night hit last call, Mr. Hotness offered to escort us home. S looked at me and said “it’s her call.”

Seeing that he was interested, I thought “meh, I can’t have him, but maybe he’s the ego boost S needs right now…” At the parting point, he asked for S’s number and they exchanged numbers. Giving S a hug and promise to call, he picked me up in a giant bear hug and declared me his “favourite”.

Leaving us at the parting point (a 24 hour diner) we went in for tea and analysis. S said, “you should have this number, he was totally feeling you…”

Scorecard

Knowing that I was attracted to Hotness, S took the number “for me”.  

Even though this was a night about sisterhood and solidarity, S engaged a man for over an hour and then had ME decide whether they should take it to the next level.

Even though he didn’t ask for my number, he was “totally feeling” me…

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