Instantly, images of an older, hyper-sexed woman, who dresses “younger” and “preys” on younger men comes to mind. It’s not always something that women want to be associated with. Social conditioning has unfortunately led many guys to think that once you hit your 30s you HAVE to be married, with kids, and a house in the suburbs. For some women, this makes dating in their 30s difficult. Because even though women aren’t rushing it, men worry that they are.
Many of my 30-something male friends date women in their 20s without hesitation, telling me it’s because there’s none of this “pressure”. So, women in their 30s (my female friends included) either date 30-something commitment-phobic men, men in 40s, or have a lot of girl’s nights out.
These women are single (sometimes divorced). Their careers are in place. They may or may not have kids. They’re not looking to get (re)married any time soon. They just want to enjoy the fun of dating without any confusion, drama, or speculation. While they would love to enjoy dating their peers, it’s just not happening.
This has all led to a new strain of cougarism…
Introducing one of the 12 Women You’ll Meet in Life:
The Demi Cougar…
For my non French-speaking friends, “demi” translates into English as “half” and that’s exactly what the Demi Cougar is; she’s halfway there. She’s not preying on these younger guys; they’re coming to her.
It kinda happens like this: one day, a guy in his 20s hits on her. Not 29 to her 30, no no. This guy is 23 and she’s 38. She’s flattered. She’s shocked. “Don’t you know how old I am?” is usually her response. She demurs. She tells him he’s too young. That she’s looking for different things. He responds that he’s just looking for a phone number. No pressure. That he’s looking to go for coffee; to just be “friends”. To learn a thing or two from a woman that he finds attractive.
She takes (gives) the number thinking “that was a nice ego boost”. But then, the youngin’ calls…he asks (and takes) her out. He continues to call…continues to flatter… and continues in his pursuit. Eventually, he *ahem* comes over and when he leaves she thinks:
Dang. I could get used to this…
So she does. She may have been resistant to the idea before, but realizing the joys and benefits that come with the youngin’, she thinks, “why not? No pressure…” She’s enjoying the ease of her encounters…there are no awkward morning after’s (since she likely kicked him out the night before) and there are no “status” conversations. It’s all so easy; it’s in direct contrast to the dealings she has with older men. In time, she extols the virtues of younger men to her girlfriends and recommends that they also try it.
The Demi Cougar enjoys the authority she’s experiencing over her romantic life and in some cases, the authority over the young man (men) in question. With her peers, she worries she’ll get a side eye (or, has received one) in the bedroom for trying a new move, the youngin’ praises her skills without judgment, because hey, she has a few more years experience on him.
Why are you attracted to her?
If you’re in your 30s, chances are you’ve met a Demi Cougar, but you wouldn’t recognize her. If you’re in your 20s, you’ve met her, and in true Barney Stinson fashion have said, “Challenge. Accepted!” The youngins are attracted to the Demi Cougar’s aura of confidence. The insecurities that come from trying to figure out life in her 20s has diminished or disappeared completely, and he finds it refreshing. Here’s a woman he can have a lot of fun with and will not likely take him (or their arrangement) too seriously (it doesn’t hurt that she may look younger than her 38 years). It’s a win-win for him.
Does it leave the bedroom?
Yes. Yes it can. Don’t be looking to meet her family any time soon though…
Would you marry her?
Marry? Uhm…no. Why would you do that? This is why it’s called a win-win. Learn from her, enjoy her company, enjoy the sex (there will be lots of it), and take notes. Make yourself a better man for it, so that when you do hit YOUR 30s, you’ll be ready for things like marriage. I mean, you could…but…nah. Not really. She’s not looking for marriage at this point either.
Famous Demi Cougars
Demi Moore is NOT a Demi Cougar (yes, I did name this post for the double entendre). The age difference is usually more than 2, but less than 10. Think Vivica with 50-Cent…Halle with Gabriel…Courtney Cox with David Arquette…