First, I started with the slacking on your physical appearance. But the slacking thing is part of a larger theme. I’ve been having a few conversations lately with women and well…
It’s almost like I have to take you guys to remedial school. For example, I was reviewing my high maintenance field research with a girlfriend of mine and telling her about some of the “okay” levels of pickup attempts I had experienced of late. If you compare my experiences to hers (and some others), what I had previously considered “meh” were actually quite stellar in comparison to what’s been going on out there. I got worried. For you guys. Was it them? Was it me? Where was this disconnect? I was confused.
Then last night, I made what I considered a successful run at my High Maintenance experiment (more on that later over at thesugarcoatedbitch.com); but then experienced two very weak attempts to get my attention. Ah, so this is what the ladies were complaining about.
That’s my new word for it. Because these attempts/approaches are so weak and so seemingly pulled out of your ass that I can’t think of any other way to describe it. I’m not saying you need to have a rehearsed plan of approach every time you go out (that would be stupid), but it’s almost as if you weren’t even thinking about the woman before you opened your mouth.
Weakassness #1 “let me maybe buy you a drink…?”
As I waked through the crowded club with my martini in hand, Weakass #1 ended up in my way. As he moved to let me pass, he said “hi, you’re looking lovely tonight…”
Me: “thanks.” (thinks: oooh. Maybe a “Mark”?)
Him: “mumblemumblemumble…look lovely.”
Me: “you just said that…?”
Him: “no, I said your drink looks lovely. So…I guess your drink matches you! (big smile).”
Me: “ah” (smiles…walks away)
Later in the evening, I’m standing at the bar. The girl that Weakass #1 had moved on to knocked my clutch out of my hand. In that moment, I dropped my High Maintenance mask of indifference and the real me flashed her a standard HLBB side eye of annoyance. This #3amgirl in the making then apologized profusely, and rushed to reach down and return my clutch to me. In that moment, Weakass #1 offered to buy me a shot, which #3amgirl endorsed.
(huh? Yeah. I wondered that too.)
Ahem. I think I just reviewed this a couple of posts back, but let me repeat:if you’re going to offer a woman a drink, PLEASE TAKE NOTE OF WHAT SHE’S DRINKING. IF a girl is drinking a martini, do not offer a shot as her next drink. It only shows two things:
- You’re not attentive. Look, if you can’t identify what she’s drinking, ask. It’s a perfectly legitimate question, and it demonstrates that you can be attentive.
- That you’re not responsible. We all know what happens when you mix different types of alcohol. When has vodka and tequila ever been a good mix?
One of my companions for the evening was with me and happened to be offering me a drink at the same time. When I explained that Weakass was trying to buy me a shot, he smiled and said, “do you want us to handle this?”
Didn’t matter though. Weakass didn’t follow through on the drink; he then proceeded to slink away with the #3amgirl. Later that night, I spotted him drunkenly dancing and making out with said #3amgirl.
Weakassness #2 – “lemme holla at ya…sorta”
I am the queen of bad pickup lines. From men saying that they can “fix” my sexual orientation from gay to straight (yes, he assumed I was gay because my hair was short), to guys pretending to grab my ass and apologizing for it, I’ve heard them all. All the bad ones.
New one to add to the list:
Really. That’s all he said.
I was already stopped in front of him because the club was crowded. So, since I wasn’t going anywhere, I turned to him and said “really? That’s what’s hot in the clubs right now? ‘Yo. Hi.’?”
He shrugged and smiled. I stared blankly.
“Yo. Hi.” I want to meet the woman this previously worked on and help her with her self esteem. But while I do that, I need to know: what in the entire fuck is “Yo. Hi.”
Are you that worried about investing any effort that may get you a date and/or laid? What do you expect to get in return for saying “Yo. Hi.”? Tell me. I want to know. Please weigh in, because I’m at a loss…
Oh, and just as I was about to close this post, I got a voicemail from a dude…
“Hey. It’s ______. Gimme a call.”
This is his first communication with me. That was his voicemail. No, “nice to have met you”…No “this is __________ from Thursday night…” No. Just, “Gimmie a call…”
Sigh. We are not amused…