A while back I wrote about the “high-level” woman: one who has high standards for herself but achieves those targets on her own, not expecting anyone else to. I wanted to make that distinction because a lot of women I know have been called “high-maintenance”. One of my girlfriends put it best: a man who’s intimidated usually applies that label to a high-level woman.
I had some conversations around it and got me thinking. Especially in the weeks that followed that post, when I heard first-hand accounts and saw with my own eyes what I consider to be true high maintenance behaviour. I was awed, because the men involved with these women were usually the ones who maintained that they wanted a “normal” and “down to earth” woman. I then started thinking about other examples that I had witnessed over the years and came to the conclusion that there are three types of high maintenance woman.
High Emotional Maintenance
This particular breed of high maintenance is the most exhausting type. She is very insecure and requires constant reassurance. Every fight is the end of the world and every comment is subject to intense analysis. She can never look “good”; it has to be “beautiful”. Every act is an achievement. Every thought is original. This breed of high maintenance is also your classic Mean Girl; she must put everyone down to feel good about herself.
Oh, and she is never in the wrong – with anyone about anything…including you. This type of high maintenance woman is the kind you find apologizing to, a lot. About a variety of things. Regularly. You eventually break up with the ones with high emotional maintenance because you can’t take the drama. Then, she sends you angry texts at 2 a.m. demanding closure (and that you give back everything she ever gave you…)
High Lifestyle Maintenance Woman
She’s on a first name basis with folk named Christian, Guccio, Michael, Coco and Tom (ahem, Louboutin, Gucci, Kors, Chanel and Ford ). You don’t need to know their names; you just need to know that you’ll be paying for their wares.
However, there is a return on the investment, as you will end up with a stunning woman on your arm. She eventually becomes that “trophy” girlfriend or wife that all your boys admire. There is no discounting her efforts – spend a whole day shopping and spa-ing and you’ll see how exhausting it is. No sarcasm.
This type of high maintenance woman is an artist; her body is the canvas and you are the patron and beneficiary. Nails done, hair done, everything did…and paid for by you.
Because the looks are simply part of an overall package, you will also have the added benefit of living that life – if you can afford it. You dine out, have bottle service and are photographed often (always from her good side). She’ll also “improve” you, should you need improving… oh, you will. Because you, my darling boy, must match HER fly.
The Sugar-Coated Bitch
This is a unique hybrid of high maintenance. She’s a little bit from column A (she is the centre of your universe), a little bit from column B (she shops Bloor Street to stock up on wardrobe staples) and here’s the kicker: she is more than capable of doing everything herself and be a high level woman…
But she chooses NOT to.
One aspect of her life (usually work or family) already requires her to be a decision-maker, boss or alpha female, and she excels at it. But she views her relationship with a man as that one area where she doesn’t have to lift a perfectly shellac’d finger. The only thing she wants to do is make the decisions. So she will decide where you go (but you’ll pay for it), how you’ll treat her, and the lifestyle she leads (with your patronage).
Should you break up tomorrow morning, she won’t be texting you at 2 a.m.; she will be surprised that you left her. But life will go on, because you both know that there are others to take your place…
Do you marry a High Maintenance woman?
If you marry the emotionally high maintenance woman, you will be nominated for sainthood when you die (at a young age, because the stress will kill you). If you marry a high lifestyle maintenance woman, you will have the wedding of her dreams and spend the rest of your life paying for it. In fact, seek sponsorship for your wedding; she won’t mind. If you marry the sugar-coated bitch, congrats…because she gave you permission to propose.
Famous High Maintenance women: Eva Longoria (Emotionally), Jennifer Lopez (Lifestyle), Beyonce (Sugar Coated Bitch)
Sidenote: the curiosity almost killed the cat, but it inspired an idea: TheSugarCoatedBitch.com