I tend to refer to guys in certain ways and rarely by their names…it’s something I picked up from my boys who always use code names when referring to women (shrugs). Last night, I was discussing a particular guy with friends and referred to him in a way that confused one of the guys. After a few jokes tossed back and forth, I decided to share with you some more of my HLBB terminology:
A guy = that’s it. You’re a guy.
My boy = you’re one of my friends. I share details of my life, you know my real name and have possibly seen where I live.
(insert random alias here) = I’m interested in you in some way and have assigned you an alias. The alias is usually based on a physical attribute or personality trait. If it’s just sex, I’ll most likely continue to call you by the alias.
Nickname = if I never call you by your name and give you a nickname, you’ve managed to earn a special place of affection. This isn’t always immediate…I have to make sure it “fits”. Sometimes, I pick a name instantly. Generally, it’s not a nickname that catches on with others, so when you see it in an email or hear it your voicemail, you know it’s me…
Your name = If I call you by name, I genuinely like you. Rarely will I call people by the shortened version of their name (if your name is Daniel, I’m not calling you Dan or Danny…unless you insist).
Dumbass = you say stupid things sometimes. When you do I’ll call you a dumbass.
Idiot = I think you say stupid things a lot.
Idiot boy = you have done something to annoy/offend/irritate me and I don’t feel like calling you by your given name.
Lover = this is a Buffy reference…if I call you Lover, it means I want to do harm to you like repeatedly smack you upside the head.
Idiot Motherfucker = you’ve pissed me off and I now want to take a hit out on your life
Stupid Motherfucker = you have done something so egregious that I want to personally do harm to you as I’ll enjoy it more. You have officially become persona non-grata.
Ladies, do you have a “naming” system?