You Be the Judge… (since you’re already judging her)

Darling boys: what defines a “heaux?” Variations on the spelling aside…how is the man manual classifying a heaux these days? I’ve seen some interesting judgment calls being made of late that is making me wonder.

She flirts with you… but she has a man.

Have you never flirted with a woman when your wife/girlfriend wasn’t around? Did you consider it cheating? I guess flirting is a grey area for many, but I’m talking about the minor stuff. A smile, a laugh, a compliment or two… is this really not cool for women to do these things?

I know you guys feel put out at the club when you find out after a few drinks (that you bought) that she’s going home to another man and not with you and yeah, I don’t agree (or practice) that. But really, are women supposed avoid making eye contact with every man out there just because she now gazes adoringly at someone else?

Where should the flirt line be drawn? Speak on this please… I want to know.

My BFF is an amazing flirt and has been since we were 10 years old. Unless you’re related to her by blood or marriage, I don’t that she knows any other way to talk to a man. Speaking of a man, she’s been with the same guy for about 7 years now. We went out one night and she met a few guys that I know. She danced and joked around with one, and at the end of the night, she gave him a hug and went home. He asked about her a week later and I said, “why?”

“She’s cute. When you gonna bring her out again?”

“Uhm… she has a man…”

“She doesn’t ACT like she has a man!”

A year later, and he still asks about her…and I still say in response, “she HAS a man.”

His response? “Not the way she was dancing with me, she had a man!”

Okay, so… because she has a man, she’s supposed to dance with you at arm’s length like it’s grade 8? Was she supposed to stand still and not dance to a song she likes because she has a man? Was she supposed to dance by herself facing the corner?  Oh, was she not supposed to go out and play my wingman that night because she HAS A MAN?

She didn’t take his number, she didn’t befriend him on Facebook, and she didn’t get his PIN…so where did she cross the line?

Her “number”…

Not her phone number or her PIN…but her sex partner number.  This one always makes me laugh, because you guys automatically attribute the level of sexual skills to the amount of partners. Because there’s noooooo way that a woman could’ve had an amazing lover who taught her amazing things over an extended period of time… no. She must’ve learned the reverse cowgirl from one dude, the trapeze from another and that thing she did with her finger that one time that you really liked? Yeah… she must be heaux.

Besides, even if her number is higher than say, yours… does this really matter?

(waits for all of you to scream “yes” at your monitors)

But that was before you. Should women dismiss you if your number is higher than theirs? Wouldn’t all the sex you had with other women make you a heaux? Oh, yeah…that’s right! There is no such thing as a male heaux!

One girl told me that she just tells the dude that she reads Cosmo and learns all her moves from there. That she reads them and then decides to try them out on him. Yes…because she got really good at doing that thing that she does with her finger from READING about it…(insert dramatic eye roll and sigh here)

Do you realize that this fear of judgment is preventing you from probably getting really good sex from her right now? That she could probably make you see gawd, but you have to settle for seeing the back of her head because she can’t handle seeing the look on your face when you realize that this is something that she did with some other guy (or in your mind…countless other guys).

Right now darling boy, YOU’RE the guy she’s having sex with! Reap the rewards!

She knows “too many dudes”…

This particular form of condemnation is the most annoying. It usually comes from you the boyfriend to the girlfriend and even though you don’t outright call her a heaux…you imply it.

“You know a lot of dudes…” which is an open-ended sentence and the endings are usually (in your mind):

“… so, did you fuck all of them?”

“… and they all must want to have sex with you.”

“… and now that you’re with me, what are you keeping them around for?”

Insecure much?

You’re judging her on the company she keeps and not her behaviour. It’s one thing to know “a lot” of dudes; it’s another to be taking calls in the other room from another dude. It’s another thing to be making plans for dates or trips with other dudes. Her actions should be respectful of your relationship. Her interactions should help her understand the male psyche (a bit) better. She should never make you feel as if you are in competition for her affections.

Now, if that’s the case, then the chick is straight up wrong and you need to tell her to come correct. But if she’s saying “hi” and “bye” and you’re giving death stares to every guy she says “hi” and “bye” to… you need to be honest with yourself. Jealousy is not a good look darling.

So, I’m going to ask one more time: what makes a heaux a heaux?


4 thoughts on “You Be the Judge… (since you’re already judging her)

    • Hello BJB…

      Well, I come from the viewpoint that of one person is asking, it’s because others have the same question…

      You’d be surprised how many guys I’ve had these types of conversations with. Some readers, some not…

      I would love it if all the guys said “HLBB…we don’t think this way!!! You’re soooo off the mark!!”

      (a girl can hope, right?)

  1. unfortunately all women come across if not one, ALL of these different scenarios. there’s a lot of insecure men out there.

  2. Do you really need all those guy friends though? Jokes. On a slightly more serious note, it can be seen as a daunting task when put up against a women with more experience than us because of our expectations of ourselves as men and the expectations (real or perceived) that women have of us. The idea of giving a woman bad sex is incredibly emasculating and the way many of us men rationalize the number issue is that by believing she has fewer partners, it’s less likely she knows what great sex is.

    Granted this is strange consider those 1-3 partners should could of had in the past were all Adonis/Mandingo breeds that have a Master and Ph. D. in Karma Sutra.

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