Today I asked the Ladies of Twitter for examples of a good pick up line. This is what I got:
Turns out, we can’t remember the good ones. The bad ones are funnier.
Darling boys, I’ve been struggling with this question for a day and a half now. I’ve asked friends, co-workers, people online…I even just asked the woman sitting next to me in the restaurant I’m writing this post in. I almost gave up until she said something that set off the light bulb for me:
“Maybe…because…there are no good pick up lines?”
Profound in it’s utter simplicity because it’s true and also because you guys insist on using them. All these bad pick up lines are trees in the proverbial forest…
GUYS: Pickup lines do not work.
We want to talk to you, but if the first thing that comes out of your mouth is a pickup line, then we write you off as an idiot. I’m trying to calculate how many guys I’ve written off because of this. I’m probably single right now because Mr. Right was dumb enough to use a line or a calculated approach. If you follow my personal Twitter feed, then you know I get a LOT of bad lines thrown at me.
Where is it written in the man manual that lines or calculated approaches work? We see these for what they are…and you know what? It’s not YOU, and it’s not THEM – it’s THIS! So… how do you approach women without appearing like you are approaching them? What pitfalls do you need to avoid? I’m going to do a little something different today. I’m going to post examples of regularly used approaches and also ask women to vote on them.
Guys: try to refrain from voting to skew the votes in your favour – I’m trying to help you out here!
You: approach a girl in a bar/club/event and say: “So, are you having a good time?”
Pfffft. Please retire this. It’s a very bad conversation starter because it’s not really an opened-ended question (yes, I’m using PUA-speak…ha). Chances are you’ve heard “yes” and…that was the end of that.
This sucks because it’s not engaging behaviour. I was once out with my BBFF, and he saw a group of girls taking photos of themselves on their night out. He went up and offered to take the photo so that they could all be in it. Now yes, there was one girl in the group he particularly liked and yes, they were grateful for the offer and yes, he got to talk to the object of his affection.
Now, if it was a moment in time, and it had gone no further than the flash going off…he would’ve been okay with that. We women can sense genuine effort versus a calculated move. Notice that he didn’t try to photobomb (which I see a lot of you guys doing) he just took the picture. Don’t you like it when people are helpful?
You: reach for a girl as she walks past you because you just have to talk to her.
WHY THE FUCK DO YOU DO THIS?!? I keep wanting to do this to guys when I’m out, but I’m afraid that I would a: look like a psycho and b: inadvertently encourage and validate this punk ass move
The woman who set the light bulb off for me at the beginning of this post and I got to talking and she’s studying touch right now in school. She says that the majority of us severely underestimate the significance and power of touch.
I told her the story of how one guy effectively picked me up by ever so lightly touching my hand to ask me a question and then not touching me again for the next two hours. She pointed out that I remember this as a “good” pickup because of the nature of his touch; it was non-invasive, gentle and respectful of my space…all of which drew me in to what he had to say.
(see what he did there?)
You: are on an online dating site (or, let’s face it, Twitter/Facebook/etc…) and spot an attractive female. You read her profile/spot her pic and you want to get to know her better. So you say, “hi”.
I dare you unimaginative ass to walk up to a female in real life, stand in front of her and just say “hi”. Go…tell me how well that works out for you.
You will look like an idiot.
What’s beautiful about social media and dating sites is that they enable you to say things you normally would stumble over in real life. Y’know, you can actually get away with (respectfully) commenting on a her looks because all you have is her avatar to comment on. You can start a conversation about the favourite TV show the two you have in common because she’s volunteered that information in her profile. But all you say is “hi”.
Guess what? It’s extremely arrogant of you to think that she’s going to take a look at your profile pic/avatar and think “THIS IS THE MAN OF MY DIGITAL DREAMS!” You really just said “hi”? That’s it? Are you being serious right now? If you don’t know what to say to her online…then don’t type anything until you think of something to say. If I find out that any of you who have read this post today turn around tomorrow and type just those two letters, I’m going to hunt you down, and take a sledgehammer to all your digital devices.
Okay darling boys, I really tried to make this a “what to do” as opposed to a “what not to do” type post. But basically, your words have no actions. Stop trying to pick us up and just engage us…I don’t me try to engage us. I mean really, engage us.