There you were tonight walking along with your boys who then left you behind. Then you spot me. Luckily I’m in a benevolent mood.
Those of you who are new to my world might not know this little fact: my demeanour is not very inviting…it has been my observation that in order to approach me, a man must be either very brave, or slightly mad or very very drunk.
So…back to Ethan.
“How are you doing?”
“Y’know, life is like…life.”
“You’re drunk aren’t you sweetie?”
“Not that drunk. I mean I had like, these thoughts since before I was drinking…”
“Okay baby boy…so whatever you were feeling has been intensified…I see.”
“Yeah. So where are you headed tonight babyMAMA?”
“Uh…what?!? No, no, no. I don’t have children…”
“Well I was just trying to say that you were sexy is all…like you are.”
“Listen if you want to tell a woman she’s sexy you don’t use ‘babymomma’. There are other words.”
“Uhm. I dunno. Try, ‘sexy’?”
“Okay. Well you are. I would like to know where you’re headed tonight.”
“Probably not to where you’re headed. Listen, I think your friends and those lovely ladies you were with are waiting for you…”
“I’m not interested in those girls. They’re boring. They’re White…they’re young–”
“Yes…and so are you.”
Guys: WHY do you leave your drunk friends to make asses of themselves?!? Friends don’t let friends pick up drunk.
Tonight’s wingmen get an “F” for fuckery.