So you wanna pick up women, huh?

As someone who is completely petrified about making the first move (it’s my throwback tendency) I admire you guys for doing so. It’s hard. So why…after all that practice…do you still SUCK at it? If you ask a group of women about bad pick up lines,they can talk for hours…ask them about a good pick up line and it goes a little something like this:

“uhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…..”

Even though I loved Keys to the VIP, I hate PUAs (pick up artists) simply because they approach picking up women like it’s a sport or a game. Is it really that complicated?

(YES HLBB… IT IS!)

Okay. Okay. Okay.

I could sit here and write out a bunch of tactics for you, but that’s all they would be. Tactics.

The kind that women see through.

This is why the methods practiced by PUAs never work in real life (at least not on real women).

You poor darling boys. I’ve decided that I’m going to make a few suggestions to help you out a little…

Let’s look at the situation:

Who is this chick? Is she someone you already know? Is she the hot girl you see every day at Starbucks? You know the one who gets a venti soy caramel machiatto (half sweet), has an iPhone, wears high heels in the winter, but you haven’t yet found out her name? Is it her?

If you know her, find something you two have in common because that’s what you want to talk about. Wow. Groundbreaking thought, innit? But there’s your opening line – that’s why women’s magazines have advised us women to do that for years.

If you don’t know Little Miss Starbucks I’m going to suggest you do something very odd. If you normally get drip, get yourself a latte. This way you both (hopefully) end up waiting for your order. You can smile and then try to strike up a convo, or you could try the “meet cute” thing. You could buy her coffee. You know how you would try to buy a girl a drink in a nightclub? Why not buy her a coffee? Have the barrista explain that a “gentleman wants to pay for your drink today…” and see what happens. Remember though, this is a tactic…just an unexpected one. PUAs would advise you to say strike up some dumbass coffee talk – like explaining how Starbucks sources their beans. See the difference? Because really, not many of us give a flying fuck about the beans…at 8:55 in the morning, we’re looking for our caffeine hit before we chain ourselves to our cubicles.

POP QUIZ: When is the best time to pick up a woman?

NOT at night. What? Think about it…women going out at night pretty much EXPECT to be hit on. So, their (our) defences are up. This is why striking up a conversation at Starbucks or in a clothing store or at the dentist is better than at a club…the approach is not expected. That’s why when you read about those disgustingly happy couples and they’re asked “how did you meet?” their answer is something unexpected like “we met in the waiting room at the dentist!”

Where are you regularly picking up women? If you answered the club, the office, church, the mall, the grocery store, Facebook, or Twitter…get off my effing blog. Seriously. Go out and find some new places to meet women, because honey, if you’re still reading this post then you knows that your usual haunts aren’t working out all that well for you.

I’m going to let you in on a little secret: There are no “hunting grounds” for women. If you are on the hunt, put down the PUA handbook and book yourself a safari. We are what, HALF the population? LOOK around darlings. Women are in the coffee shop, the laundromat, the bus, the library (that place with the books you don’t have to buy), used book stores, Bloor Street, at the dentist…you see where I’m going?

We’re in so many other places other than the damn club. (unless you’re specifically looking for 3 AM Girls, then head down to King Street West)

Figure out the why before you do anything. If you’re looking to get laid, the approach you use should not be the same as the one you’d use if you met Mrs. Right. Stop throwing out the same old tired shit to see what sticks…that’s not how it works! In fact, that’s not how you even make spaghetti! Let your desired outcome dictate your actions…

Now…that’s how you pick up women.

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4 thoughts on “So you wanna pick up women, huh?

  1. club, the office, church, the mall, the grocery store, Facebook, or Twitter…

    I don’t know why, but I am still surprised by the number of men looking to pick up women on non-dating sites. And lest’s not even begin to discuss church… ridiculous!

  2. Pingback: Tweets that mention So you wanna pick up women, huh? « -- Topsy.com

  3. i really don’t like approaching women in the club. something about trying to talk to a woman who can barely hear me and can barely see me just doesn’t appeal to me. plus most likely we won’t know what the other looks like for real the next day.

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