Marry-Fuck-Kill…the Kardashian Edition

So, I will fully admit that I have watched waaaaaay to much of Keeping up with the Kardashians now that the E! Network is available in Canada again.

Prior to the Christmas break, I didn’t really know much about anyone in that family except Kim (that’s what a sex tape and a big ass will do for you). But now, I feel I’ve watched enough episodes to comment at length on this made for TV “family”.

Since I don’t have any questions to answer this week, I thought I’d play a little MFK. I will present to you why I think you boys should Marry one Kardashian, Fuck another and Kill the last one…

Ready?

Marry: Khloe Kardashian

Yes yes, I know about Khloe’s butterface status. But hear me out…

Khloe is the kind of woman who:

Feels that because she has a husband, she has to work that much harder at keeping herself hot. So yes, she’s not the hot sister, but this is her motivation to keep up full maintenance. In one episode she actually had a coochie waxing incident and freaked because she only wanted husband to see her at her best! There’s no “letting herself go now that she has a man” for Khloe…

She cooks…she looooves cooking…

She loves sports.

She will tell you like it is and she will cuss a person out.

Have you seen this girl throw a punch? This is the wifey that will have your back in a fight. Yo, this is the wifey that will kick someone’s ass for you.

Fuck: Kim Kardashian (duh)

Kim is not wife material, she is however, a Grade A diamond digger. Now, I see where you guys would love to marry a big tittied, fat ass pretty girl who adores you. But Kim Kardashian:

Has the depth of a puddle on a hot day (listen to her talk for 5 minutes…no conversation skills)

Is insanely insecure…needing constant attention and affirmation. She can’t leave the house without makeup and her face is always in a mirror.

You know that classic question “does this make me look fat?” You deal with Kim and you’ll be answering that question a lot.

Is the girl that has to be the centre of attention. Great if you’re making a sex tape, not so great if you want privacy. She can’t be the centre of attention with an audience of one.

In one episode, she bragged that she could crack the password on any phone and applauded her staff for spying on her sister’s boyfriend. She will install a RFID in your scrotum while teabagging you…trust.

Kill Kourtney Kardashian.

WHAAAAAA???

Not kill in the classic sense. But watch a few episodes where she’s interacting with her boyfriend. This dude LOOKS and ACTS like Patrick Bateman. Hello?! Deal with Kourtney and you will:

Have a girlfriend who will alienate herself from her family at your will.

Have sex without a condom even though she suspects you’ve cheated on her…

Have a girlfriend who will defend your actions no matter how ridiculous or violent. I mean the current boyfriend cut tendons in his hand punching a mirror while fighting with her, and she went back to him!

Fight with her, break up with her and then stalk her…she’ll think it’s love.

That’s why you Kill Kourtney…you can kill her spirit, her independence and (I would genuinely fear for this if this were real life) kill her. The poor child will let you. She’s the ultimate doormat.

What do you think?

Who would you M-F-K?

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2 thoughts on “Marry-Fuck-Kill…the Kardashian Edition

  1. Pingback: Tweets that mention Marry-Fuck-Kill…the Kardashian Edition « -- Topsy.com

  2. I wholeheartedly agree with your MFK selections.

    And THANK YOU for pointing out that Scott has this total Patrick Bateman thing going on. I thought I was the only one who noticed.

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