Ex Files…How to Handle the Ex Encounter

Awkward: bumping into an ex

Really awkward: bumping into an ex with their new person

Mortifying: bumping into an ex while you look/feel like shit and/or drunk

You might as well die: bumping into an ex with their new person while you look/feel like shit and/or drunk…

 

It’s probably one of the more awkward encounters a person can have: bumping into an ex. Not a purposeful, “let me have a rearview moment with this person” meeting, but one is that is completely by happenstance.

Today I had an encounter with an ex of sorts. Okay, we had an “interference” once or twice…not a relationship by any means. I turned a corner and there he was with his girl. Now mind you, our “interference” was centuries ago…no bad blood, no animosity. I gotta say… he handled it beautifully. It could’ve been because we had years of friendship between us, that he completely forgot our “interference”, or because we were both mature, but it was the least awkward bumping into an ex moment I’ve ever had.

(Mind you, during our exchange, all I could think was “wow, I’ve seen your penis…would you girlfriend really be giving me the double cheek kiss if she knew where my mouth had been?”)

It got me thinking…WHY can’t all ex encounters be like this? So, I’ve decided to share with you what I learned from this guy:

1 – don’t ignore her! I’ve seen guys duck and run for cover…this is a dumbass move and both women can sense your awkwardness. Your ex will revel in it and your sweetie will eventually call your ass out on it.

2 – no subtext. When he introduced me to his sweetie (who is beautiful btw), it was just “Beautiful Girl, this is HLBB; HLBB, this is Beautiful Girl”. Not, “this is my old friend” or “this is my girlfriend”… here we are, just two people being introduced.

3 – keep it short, stupid. We chatted for 5 minutes.

4 – keep the topics away from relationships.

5 – be genuinely glad to see them. Not happy or overjoyed (hello, they’re an ex for a reason), but if you have nothing but bad feelings…DON’T stop to talk. Head nod. Move on. If you suspect she has bad feelings, smile. If she returns it, then you’re good. If she looks surprised or slightly pissed…keep walking.

Now…what if you’re bumping into an ex and she’s with her boo?

1 – don’t attempt to mark your territory. Dumbass move.

2 – if she doesn’t introduce you…there is a reason why she doesn’t want to acknowledge knowing you. Move along.

3 – do not ask about the relationship. That’s what the follow-up email/creep on Facebook move the next day is for.

4 – say “nice meeting you” to the boo…be the bigger man.

5 – be genuinely glad to see them. Not happy or overjoyed (hello, they’re an ex for a reason), but if you have nothing but bad feelings…DON’T stop to talk. Head nod. Move on. If you suspect she has bad feelings, smile. If she returns it, then you’re good. If she looks surprised or slightly pissed…keep walking.

Yes. The last one applies to both situations…

That’s it. That’s all.

Anything I should add?

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