Hi hunny bunnies… you miss me?
I miss writing for you. But life sometimes takes over and I end up here, nearly three weeks without a damn thing written.
But I digress. One of my readers has come to me with a dilemma and thought that HLBB would be be a great forum for this question. So of course I’ve said yes (and no, this is not me being lazy). I’ve heard of GUYS having this dilemma, but a woman? Not so much.
So, I will present to you the dilemma. You can then take the poll at the end and we’ll take it from there:
The Dilemma (names are of course fake, I’ve tried to mask the identity of the writer as best as I could)
Is it possible to have feelings for two men? At the same time?
I had the most unexpected and wonderful conversation with Tristan today, but it made me think that I could actually fall for this guy. Conversation was easy; he seems to listen when I talk. He’s definitely got charisma, a little bit of edge, heat and a lot of passion. So what’s the problem?
The problem is Nathan. Nathan has been my ‘friend with benefits’ for over a year and a half. We had a little break because when I was dating Diego he somehow manipulated me into not wanting anyone else but him. But we have been seeing each other solidly for at least 7 months now. He has been so reliable in so many ways; he was here when he said he was going to be here, he even called when he said he was going to call, he also always delivered exceptionally (and saying that is actually an understatement)
Ever since I started seeing Nathan again after leaving Diego I hadn’t been ready to date. Every now and then I would think that I was but I was still too gun shy but he was there giving me what I needed and I was so thankful. If you leave that sort of arrangement to run the
course for long enough, it’s inevitable that feelings or at the very least attachment will come in to play.
I saw it coming; I know myself well enough to predict that this would happen.
The question is what is it that I feel for Nathan? Is it just attachment? Do I actually have feelings for him that could make me fall for him? Is it just the unbelievably amazing sex that I can’t give up? Who knows; there are complications to the situations with both men that further add to my confusion but that really shouldn’t be allowed to affect my decisions.
Ok perhaps one: Nathan just got out of a 3 year relationship with his live-in girlfriend who he was in an open relationship with for the last year or so. And they’re planning on continuing to live together until their lease is up early next year.
This means he’s not ready for anything anytime soon. So I guess at the end of the day it still doesn’t matter – the plan is to take it slow with both of them… I’m just hoping it works.
My two cents: her feelings for Tristan are true and organic. She met someone and had a connection. In my opinion, being an FWB (friends with benefits) rarely translates into a real relationship; the relationship is preloaded with baggage from the FWB situation. You go in thinking: “we’re not going to ever be a couple, so we have to keep our feelings in check”. So now that she’s caught feelings, she doesn’t know how to proceed.
I know what my opinion is…what say you?