The beauty divide:
She’s gorgeous. She’s what scientists would create if you could mix the DNA
of 3 Victoria’s Secret models. You’re too short/balding/don’t have a 6-pack/have crooked teeth. If you want to change and you can, do it! You ‘re going bald? Shave your head. Bad skin? See a dermatologist. Crooked teeth? Get them fixed…don’t let this be your crutch.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned, how you perceive yourself physically is totally different from how others perceive you. For instance, I think I’m very “average”, I do NOT have a “perfect” body (by my standards) and hate my smile (my teeth aren’t THAT crooked, I just really hate my smile). When discussing this with a male acquaintance (who’s married) he said: “I don’t know why you think that. The first thing my wife said when she met you was that you have perfect skin, and, don’t be offended when I say this, but you have a great ass and those boobs are distracting. Plus you’ve got the sexy librarian thing with your eyes and glasses going for you…don’t sell yourself short.”
See? We’re all guilty of it.
This isn’t that whole “hot chicks with ugly guys” stereotype, this is simply me asking this question: did she look at you point blank and say that she doesn’t find you attractive? That you remind her of Gollum? That you must be “this tall to get on this ride?”
Okay, no, she’s not going to say it if she’s thinking it. She may say “she’s not looking” or that “she sees you as a friend”. But if you ask her out and she says yes, then she doesn’t think that “she’s too pretty for you”.
I’ve NEVER heard a woman say “I’m too pretty for him”…okay, I HAVE, but not until AFTER they’ve broken up. You know what you’re caring about? You care about how OTHER people perceive you, not how SHE perceives you. So what if someone asks “how did you manage to get her?” You got her. Not because you look like the love child of Boris Kodjoe and Brad Pitt…but because of something else. I once had a guy who wasn’t attractive by any conventional standard tell me that his response to people who wondered how he got his model wife:
“You may think I have a big dick, which is true…but I also had the balls to ask her out…”
He saw her looking bored at a party while some “hot guy” chatted her up. He walked up to her and said something like “I haven’t seen you in forever beeyotch!”
Yup. He played gay. He looked at the guy and said “I just need her for a couple of years, be right back!” Took her to the bar, and unleashed his most charming self. He said that she told him later that it was because he didn’t use any pickup lines, didn’t try to impress her and for a first date, asked her out for ice cream, that it pretty much sealed the deal for her. Confidence
A lesson I had to teach a guy. We were introduced by a mutual friend. I thought he was gorgeous…even if he was only 5’4. Yes, I’ll admit it: can’t deal with a man shorter than me in heels. My loss. I know this. But this guy? Not only did he have beautiful eyes, a body to die for, but he had an infectious laugh. When he asked me out on a date I said yes.
He was rude (checked his Blackberry incessantly), didn’t have much to talk about…actually he had nothing to talk about. I gave it a few more dates. Oh, yeah. He was really really really really bad in bed. Really bad.
He didn’t hear from me after that. I heard though another mutual friend that he thought it was because of his height (okay, I didn’t wear heels on these dates…). So, I told the truth and set him straight.
Lesson learned: your mirror provides you with a reflection of what you see, it’s not a reflection of what you are. Just work with what mama gave you and stop whining…