This was a conversation about a week ago:
There should be a word for friends of the opposing gender who are no longer your friends when they find out you are no longer single. @misslatejuly
I have lots of male friends, I adore them all for various reasons but truth be told, there are a few acquaintance level friends that I just will not discuss my relationship status with. Because I know in my gut that if I gave the slightest inclination…yeah.
The word that I’ll be using from now one for these men will be “vultures”.
You hover around a relationship, waiting for your prey. Then boom! They get into a fight and she vents to you about the boyfriend’s “stupid” remark/move/habit and while objectively speaking, you actually side with the boyfriend and should provide some perspective…you don’t. Because we know what your objective is.
I’m not saying that you badmouth the guy or encourage her to break up with him. You just do nothing. Except circle around an injured relationship.
But they recover. So you fly away, but you keep watch.
One day the injury is serious…so you and the other vultures start to circle. This injury to the relationship is bad. She’s changed on status on Facebook, you don’t see them together, and cold it be? Yup, that ring/necklace/bracelet he gave her for her birthday has been removed. You circle closer…send her joke emails. Write on her wall. Make your presence known.
Then…the relationship has died…which is when you and the other vultures come out of the skies to pick at the carcass.
You send an email that starts with, “Hey! Long time no talk. Want to go for a drink?”
This is what she’s doing at her computer: “HUH”? She’s wondering when was the last time she heard from you and remembers that the last time she heard from you was when she was single. No…yes. Yes it was. You used to email her, send her Facebook messages, and invite her to things but that all stopped once she got a boyfriend. Now that’s she’s single…you’re back for the kill.
Yeah. She figured you out. Here she thought you were a friend. But all you were was a vulture.
But wait, what differentiates you, the guy that genuinely likes this girl, who would love to have a chance with her, but realize that you don’t have a chance from a vulture? You don’t hover. You, when you hear about her problem with the guy – remember? The situation where you would actually side with the guy? You side with the guy. As bitter as the words are coming out of your mouth you say, “I think he has a point…”
You’d realize that you were in the friend zone and decide whether or not you could handle being only her friend, or you’d fade away. If you saw her in the street you’d be pleasant, but you wouldn’t call when she said “give me a call sometime…me and the Lucky Bastard can go and have drinks!” You send her a happy birthday message on Facebook, but that’s about it. You know you’re out of the running.
You vultures on the other hand, you…
You need to realize that being a friend means having true intentions. If she hasn’t reached out to you, then she isn’t thinking of you that way. Trust, we have a “to do” list of men that we might’ve missed out on before, but would be willing now that she’s. But, if you invite her for coffee and she says, “I really need to focus on me right now…” or something like that, well then…
Yeah. Find another relationship carcass.