Are YOU fucking SERIOUS?

So, I got this comment today from an anonymous dude:

hi HLBB

my friend told me about your website and I thought i would check it out.  I like what you write. I hope this isn’t a stupid question, but my friend said it’s called her little black book because ur black. Is that true? If so, I was wondering if you could give some advice. I just ended a 2 year relationship and I’m ready to start dating. I like black music like hiphop and reggae and I’m attracted to black girls, but I’m not black, so I don’t think there interested in me. Do you have any advice for guys on how to get a black girl? Like if I wanted to date her, what can I do?

Oh motherfucker, not today.

I’m not even going to correct your grammar or your spelling, because it’s more important that I correct you.

As a Black woman (and yes, I am and NO, that’s not the reason the site is called her lil’ black book..), I have to ask you this: motherfucker, do YOU THINK WE COME WITH INSTRUCTIONS? At first, I thought this comment was a case of me getting punk’d by John Mayer or something, but seriously. SERIOUSLY?

Are you fucking SERIOUS?

You will never get WITH a Black woman. Not because we aren’t “interested” in you…it’s because you’re a fucking idiot who thinks you date a race and not a person. If you liked blondes, would you be asking me how to approach a blonde? No. So you can do nothing, except enjoy your chocolate fantasy. You shouldn’t be visiting herlilblackbook.com, you really should be visiting hotblackgirls.com (sidebar: turns out this is a real site and NSFW). You have objectified women in a way that makes me want to kick your ass. Before you even attempt, think about, or even vaguely consider dating ANY woman, I want you to shut the fuck up and read:

A woman is a fully formed person, made of more than just pigmented flesh. She has experiences, knowledge, and lessons learned, that form who and what she is. That’s what you’re stepping to when you approach a woman…any woman.I’m not naive; I know that the knowledge and experience I have gained in my 34 years has been shaped, influenced, or has been a direct result of me being Black. But there is no “Black” way of approaching a Black woman, just as there is no “Black” way of speaking, or dressing, or walking (yes, I’ve heard that before). Is there a Black way to do math? Drive a car? Exactly.

Before any of you get up in arms and accuse me of being against interracial relationships, let me share another tidbit with you: I have no problems with it at all; I’ve pretty much dated the UN. I also understand that people have aesthetic preferences. I for instance, like my brothers chocolately just as much as my boy Rich likes his women blonde; that’s aesthetics. What makes me want to bitch slap you Ari Gold style Mr. Anonymous, is that you have bought into the stereotype of what a Black woman is. A stereotype, I must remind you, that has no basis in any kind of reality because YOU HAVE NEVER DATED A BLACK WOMAN!

(gee, I wonder why…?)

So, what is it about us sistahs that turns you on so much? Is it our bodacious booties? Our coco butter scented skin? Our struggle to make a salary comparable to our White counterparts? Our conrows? Our inherent tendency to dance on the beat? Is it the exotic-ness of names like Kimberly, Charlene, Monica and Cheryl? (sarcasm, those are the names of the women in my family…) Is it the idea that you’ll make exotic looking babies with us? Is it the texture of our real hair that turns you on? Or is it when we’re rocking a silky weave? Wait, is it because of our ability to face discrimination, judgement and stereotyping on a daily basis by strangers, co-workers and idiot motherfuckers who want to know how to date Black women? Or is it our neck rolling, sassy attitudes?

I really want to know. You have my full attention.

Did you really think I would say: “oh! To get a Black girl, just say something like ‘peep this shit shawty, I thinks you fine, let’s hang out, word?’ and you’ll have all the Black girls chasing you!”

Before asking me this dumbass question, did you READ anything else I’ve written? You know, that the whole point of this site is to help men understand women, by providing stories, viewpoints and examples of what you should and shouldn’t do? Such as date based on racial stereotypes as opposed to seeking out a person who will have shit in common with you, that you find attractive and in turn finds you interesting and attractive?

You can embrace “Blackness” all you want, that’s just fine…but  it does not make you a member of my race any more than fucking me makes you a member of my gender. It does not magically give you my history, my experiences or my knowledge. When you’re in an interracial relationship, there are going to be things about a person’s culture and race that you will learn from them, that you you may have otherwise never learned. Learn. Not assume. I have no idea what your racial background is (and the ladies I relayed this story to have their opinions), nor will I bother trying to guess. What I will guess is that:

a) you don’t step out of your narrow minded world much

b) your idea of what a Black woman is like, is based on BET and XXL magazine

c) you enjoy exotic foods like pizza and Ho Lee Chow

I’m pissed Anonymous. Because you can’t see that a person’s culture and race is an extension of who they are, not the definition of who they are. You cannot approach a woman, ANY woman, based on her character rather than the superficiality of her appearance…you’re afraid to approach a real woman, so you approach a “stereotype” instead. Yes Anonymous, you’ll find lots of girls who will cater to your stereotype, but THAT is not a Black woman, that’s a girl who is as misguided as you are.

Should the day come that you meet a woman who is funny, intelligent, caring, sexy, and wonderful…PLUS she’s a lovely shade of mocha that you find attractive, that you will have developed the stones to ask her out based on THAT criteria.

Not because you think you have to be, think of her or approach her any differently from someone who shares your shading.

Until then. Don’t let me catch you in the streets…because I will bitch slap you.

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15 thoughts on “Are YOU fucking SERIOUS?

  1. Wow…the sheer ignorance that some people exhibit truly boggles my mind…but the fact that you responded to him so eloquently makes me proud to be a black woman! *Applause*

    • I had to read it again this morning to make sure my thoughts were coherent…
      Sigh. I swear, I thought I was being punk’d when I saw this message. I could have NOT responded, but thn he’d still walk around thinking it’s okay. Also, my theory is, if one guy is asking, that means there are many more who are thinking it…

      SMH

    • *steps away from pulpit*

      I dunno, I’m not gonna stake any bets on his ethnicity…
      Based on some of the weak ass approaches I have received from guys… he could be anything.

      Take a number on the hate thing: there are lots of women who want to bitch slap this dude…

  2. You railed on this guy with little to no justification. You got on your black bully pulpit and reinforced all the stereotypes he didn’t suggest. The guy simply asked how to get a black girl. He’s probably 18 and clueless about women in general.

    You could have been kind, instead you
    patronized him and demonized him. He paid you a compliment, confess ed his ignorance and you crushed him.

    But you got him, for sure. +1 for you I guess. Spend your points wisely.

    If a black man asked a white woman how to get a ‘white girl’ and she went off on him I’d think she was a bitch.

    Wouldn’t you?

    • Whether he is 18 and clueless or 40 and wise, not my concern. There is no “way” to get a Black woman…just woman. So yes, I will get on any pulpit and bully those who think colour of skin before other qualities

    • As for crushing him. Better he find out in writing now rather than face to face don’t you? By asking how to get a Black woman, he makes it seem as if race was a personality trait…

      And if a Black man asked me how to “get a White girl”…if an Asian guy asked me how to “get a Spanish girl” I wouldve laced into him in the exact same manner…

      The caveat for those who ask me questions is that I do not pull punches with my answers…you should hear what I say privately…

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