It Really Does Happen to Everyone…Really

You’re with her…it’s on…clothes are off…you’ve done the foreplay…she’s ready.

But you’re not.

You will be…you’re trying…you concentrate.

But you’re still not.

You get there and…

You’re done.

Erm. Awkwaaaaaaard.

I know darling boy. You really wanted to last longer than, well that. But you didn’t. Now what?

Because gawd forbid anyone go through your search history and see the words “premature ejaculation”, let me look it up for you. Apparently about 75% of you get there within 10 minutes of penetration. So is that a good or bad thing? Actually, it’s a matter of perception. Some guys have no problem having sex for 15 minutes at any given time, so 10 minutes seems just about right. Other guys want to go the tantric route (gawd bless you) and go the whole night. But what happens if you turn off the lights and your night ends before the bulbs have even cooled off?

Before you panic or curl up in the fetal position…let’s look at some basics

Jack be nimble, Jack be quick…

Yes, we know what you’re doing locked in the bathroom. But you don’t want to be gone for too long lest you get caught. Yup, you jacking off on a regular basis means you’ve basically prepped yourself to come within a relatively short period of time. That’s why the premature thing tends to happen after a dry spell – i.e. when you’ve spent a lot of quality time with your hand –  and then transition to having sex with a real live girl.

The more tense or anxious you are, whether it’s about work, or school (or even her), the more likely you’ll finish before Letterman signs off for the night. That’s what happens when you relax…you relax all muscles including your pubococcygeus muscles.

My WHAT muscles?

You ever hear women talk about Kegel exercises? Guess what? It’s the same thing! You have them too! The PC muscles control both the flow of urine and semen; strengthening these muscles helps your erection last longer…and you hold off on coming as well. Score!

A Kegel exercise is basically peeing and the stopping the flow midstream. Once you get the hang of that and recognize which muscles they are, practice contracting those muscles when you’re not peeing. Voila! You’re doing Kegel exercises. Just don’t always do it while peeing – you’ll give yourself a urinary tract infection (not cool). You can also do this while masturbating…bring yourself right to the point and then…stop. Which will help “train” your body. Look, don’t give me any grief about this; the women’s magazines suggest that we do the same thing…what do you think we’re doing in the bathroom so long?

Switch it up a little…

The missionary position puts the most pressure on your groin muscles and can contribute to premature ejaculation. You’re supporting most of your body weight in this position, (again getting the muscles all tense n’ shit)…and then when you start to relax…yeah.

Put her on top – you’ll last that much longer.

(I don’t think I have to mention this, but her on top works out better for her as well)

Now some of you are saying, “listen, that’s great…I’ll practice, but what if it happens?!!”

Damage control.

Don’t get defensive. Don’t. Don’t…don’t…don’t. The “this never happens to me” bit is old. We KNOW it happens. It’s how you handle it happening that makes the difference…

Don’t treat it as if this is it…the night is over…no more sex for you. Hey, we know you got a near infinite amount of sperm…you will rest and gather some more troops, fine. But there is no way you should just end the night. Consider the premature moment to be the opening act. Have an intermission and come back for encores, okay?

Don’t say “damn, baby look what you made me do”…I just giggled just writing that. Again, we KNOW it happens. That line is also old. Stop it.

Back to the intermission thing for moment…have you ever gone to a sporting event, concert or show that has an intermission? So you know that during the intermission, there is stuff to do. So in bed, the intermission does NOT mean you do nothing! Fool around, try pleasing her (to keep her going), talk dirty, cuddle if you must (ick), but DON’T JUST STOP HAVING SEX!

DON’T try to “fix” it by heading off to bathroom. Again…we KNOW what you’re doing. You can do that any time you want to…let us do it for you (ahem, re-read the paragraph before this one, again damnit).

If you get embarrassed, she gets embarrassed and then the sex just becomes…awkward sex. If you do any of the “don’ts” I just listed, you’re only causing more damage…making you more anxious and less likely to be able to continue. You then make her self-conscious and less likely to continue and then it really is game over. Reassure her that you do want more sex…by doing that you’re reassuring yourself as well, calming yourself down and mentally preparing yourself for the main event.

Okay, what if you…can’t. Y’all have got to be less-goal oriented in the sack. There are soooo many other ways to have sex – and no I don’t mean positions – you should try some. Sometimes, those other ways…get you back to where you started, even if you were convinced that you weren’t going to be able to…

But the biggest bit of information I can pass on to you?

Relax beforehand. One way to last is to rub out one before you head over to us…that’s fine. We’re looking for the show and the encore… you can have the opening act all to yourself.

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