I’ve been reading a lot of Top 10 lists lately, which is odd since they normally show up at the end of the year when writers are too lazy to come up with a topic and there are too many hangovers from holiday parties. Anyways, it (like everything else) got me thinking. What are the top ten things you guys do that annoy women?
Based on my conversations, personal observations and, yes experiences, here are 10 things you should not be doing.
10 – Comment on the time/money spent on personal grooming/clothes/shoes etc. Especially if it’s her own money she’s spending. Should you need to complain, complain to your boys, your barber, and your mom even. Just don’t say it to us. We really don’t care what you think and it’s annoying.
09 – Get pissed if we take up one of your interests. This is how we bond. So who cares if she was never interested in playing video games before you? That’s why she’s doing it now. It’s not to stalk you or have “2 become 1″…it’s a way of knowing you. When you discourage it, you’re basically saying, “I don’t want you to learn anything about me…” and we’re insulted. If you want the task to just be a “you” thing…tell us. Then suggest another “we” thing that you can do…we understand the importance of “me” time.
08 – Don’t call. It’s bad enough that you don’t call when you say you will, but when you don’t call at all, it’s really bad. Those times you should call are after a date, after a hookup, after a fight or to ask us out on a first date. It’s bad form to ask a woman out on the first date via text…you have your effing phone in your hand… it’s not that hard.
07 – Give the silent treatment or go dark with no warning. This is a double standard because we do it all the fucking time. But that’s why it infuriates us so much. It’s a punk ass move. Oh, and some of you drag it on waaaay too long. We understand that you’re dealing with shit, that you don’t want to talk or that you’re probably mad at us. But still, when you don’t communicate in any way for days/weeks at a time – we plot ways to murder you in your sleep.
06 – Talk to “HER.” We all have friends/acquaintances of the opposite sex (we should), but there is that ONE girl that you should really stop talking to. She’s either an old flame or the one you didn’t get a chance to hit. She’s a little too friendly…YOU’RE a little too friendly. We get it…she’s your ego boost. As my boy DJ Kariz puts it, she’s your “Anna”. We aren’t mad at the fact that you have an ego boost…we’re annoyed that you flaunt and encourage it so openly. Because SHE gets us wondering “well, if he had the chance…” and then we get pissed at you. Be more subtle. Oh, and speaking of subtlety…
05 – When you are with your female friends and openly stare at other women, it’s annoying. NO we are not jealous. But it’s the idea that you think it’s cool to stop talking mid-sentence to turn your head 180 degrees to stare at Miss Thang (just because you’re not with the girlfriend) that we find, icky. Makes us wonder if you’re like the assholes we don’t like. Watch…I’m going to do this to ALL my guy friends and I’ll tell you how they react…
04 – Leave your shit lying around. I’ll let you in a secret: some of us are messy. Trust, I’m no domestic goddess, and I’ve been lucky to have dated some pretty meticulous men. But there was one…who left towels, socks, boxers, game controllers, books… etc lying around. Your messiness we can accept, it’s the implication that you expect us to pick it up that we can’t stand.
03 – Say “you wouldn’t understand…” when we ask you something. Okay, you know what? THAT’S WHY WE ARE ASKING THE MUTHAFUCKING QUESTION! Say it would take some time to explain, that you’ll get into the details later…but for the love of that is good and holy, stop saying “you wouldn’t understand”!!
02 – Buy us shit we don’t want. Ever get the “oh, thanks sweetie” response to a present? You failed. If you don’t want to guess, ask a friend/sibling…I used to work in retail. When the guy guessed, nine times out of ten she exchanged it. I once had a honey buy me an article of…erm…”clothing”. Those who know me, know how much of a “fail” this was. His reasoning? He heard someone once say to me that I should wear pink because it looks good with my colouring…WTF?
01 – Give half-hearted head. This is by far the most infuriating thing a man can do. If you don’t like doing it, don’t do it. Let her decide if she can stay with you after all. Imagine if you will her taking you into her mouth and…that’s it. It. Just sitting there. No tongue action. No movement. Nothing. One friend did this to her man to prove a point. I spit out my whisky when she demonstrated how this is done (ladies, it’s hilarious). 9/10 women do NOT get off on intercourse, so can you please muster up some enthusiasm? Geeesh. Some of you put more effort into eating an ice cream cone and you’re probably lactose intolerant!
That’s the 10 I can think of the top of my head. Granted, some of them are clichéd, but you know why, right? BECAUSE YOU KEEP DOING THEM! These are necessarily deal breakers, they’re just stuff that annoys the bloody fuck out of us…