Mrs. (Just Not) Right (Now)

Don’t you hate being put on hold? Like when you have to call Rogers to fight the latest batch of mystery charges on your cell phone bill? Mmmhmm. We all hate being put on hold. Yet, there are those of you who will meet a woman who matches all the criteria you seek in a girlfriend or wife. But, instead of asking her out, or pursuing a relationship, you…

Put her on hold.

You know what I mean. She’s Mrs. Right, just not right now. You may have gotten out of a relationship. You may not feel ready to settle down. Blah blah fucking blah blah.

So. I ask you: what the fuck?

I’m not a big believer in fate, but if you meet that one woman who is relationship material, would you NOT want to at least ask her out on a date? You take her number…you have conversations with her…sometimes you even befriend her (which I seriously don’t get).

All in an effort (I think) to keep her on your radar, but never taking the next step. I know you guys think that this is a smart move – a tactical one even – because by keeping her on your radar, you won’t have to seek out Mrs. Right months or years from now, when you’ve sown all your oats. Because you will have already met her!


No, I’m not talking about getting pussy; I’m talking about being one. Yeah, I said it.

Let’s use a sports analogy, because I’m a little bit sexist and think that all men understand sports analogies. Say you own the Lakers and you have a star player that’s now a free agent. You know that by having this player on your team, you could win the championship…and the championship ring…

But, there are all those other players on the team that you could work with…should you let the free agent stay a free agent or would you want to lock that shit down and come out a winner?

Okay, not the strongest analogy…but you get where I’m going with this right?

What’s the deal with women being kept on the back burner? I actually have BEEN that girl put on the back burner. This guy has known me for a few years now and has repeatedly told people how great I am. But then it stops there. Geesh, not even a booty call. Over dinner with my girlfriends, we talked about all sorts of shit and apparently this is an “asshole” move practiced by many. I thought it was just me! But noooooo, a lot of you have done this at one point or another.

Tsk tsk…

What’s the fear here? That you’ll fuck up a good thing because you’re not ready? When will you be ready? No, I’m not here to grind an ax with my personal Mr. Not Right Now…he’s confused me for years now. At this point, I don’t actually care. A girlfriend of mine (who is reading this and laughing) knows that I have even given her my blessing to go after him, because at this point, I’m thinking: “hell, just go after SOMEBODY dammit!” Yes, I’m at the point of apathy…in fact, after being on hold for so long, I don’t even think I would go out on a date with him. I’d hit it, hells yes…but yeah, I hung up a long time ago.

Before some smart ass says “well, why do you women have to wait for guys to make the first move?” I will say this: a) I don’t make the first move – it’s my ONE throwback tendency and b) I have been very flirty (which is very hard for me) and he has been responsive…but then he just stops. Besides, I’m not the only woman who has been put on hold. I know lots of men who get spooked when they are the ones pursued…so don’t give me that “modern woman” bullshit either.

Think about how frustrating it is when you’re on hold.

“We appreciate your business, please continue to hold. You estimated wait time is 6 months…”

I – and the other women out there – just want to know if you seriously expect us to be waiting. Or are you willing to take the chance that the future Mrs. Right, will be right there later on? If you have put (or are putting) a woman on hold, is this your way of saying you believe in fate? That if you two are truly meant to be, it will be? I’m too pragmatic for all that fate talk, so I will continue to call “pussy!” unless you can enlighten me and explain why you would risk letting your free agent go and make a champion out of some other dude.

We’re looking for answers here…so go ahead…tell me.


10 thoughts on “Mrs. (Just Not) Right (Now)

  1. Amazing, sooooooo true! You need to keep it moving girlie because as far as I’m concerned anyone who doesn’t recognize, appreciate (and act on) your greatness really isn’t worth your time.

  2. The only redeeming quality about this behaviour is the fact that the dude in this scenario keeps his distance, rather than nestling himself up in your crotches, allowing you to become caught up, and then dropping his “I’m not ready” bombshell. That would make him a panty meat and you know how we feel about those.

    That said, I cannot rate this behaviour either. As a wise man said, “You can’t be holding onto a woman. This isn’t a zoo”.

    I really can’t say it any better than that.

    • I was trying to find a way to work that line in there. But then the post would’ve been too much about my situation as opposed to being an example…


  3. I don’t believe in a woman waiting around for a guy or a guy who won’t date a girl until he’s ready to do right by her. If a guy is like that, I say, go ahead and live your life. No use in him having all the fun, while you’re just sitting there waiting on this guy.

    It’s like they say, “I’m not Mr. Right, i’m Mr. Right now…” I mean, do you really think a girl is looking for Mr. Right Now, which would be the opposite of you. So maybe somewhere in the middle is right.

  4. I bloody concur. Men need to stop with this b*tcha**ness. Scuse my language, but this kind of move really gets to me. I mayyyy or mayyy not be in such a position right now *shifty eyes* and i’m over it. I just let go and let God (c) lol. But truly such a frustrating thing to experience. Great post!

  5. I’ve been in this situation before too – and it sucks! It puts you in a holding pattern, waiting and wondering – and that’s not cool.

    Men seriously just need to suck it up and make a decision already, all this I’m not ready or I need time crap needs to end…cause chances are when you’re finally ready, we’ve moved on!

  6. Tbh I’m not entirely convinced of this.. I’m pf the mind that if a man wants a woman, he’ll stop at nothing to get that woman.
    Yeah, he may be feeling you, but he can’t be feeling you all that much if he has no desire to even start considering ways of making you his.
    I feel age/sexual maturity has A LOT to do with this. Most guys my age (21) are def not looking for a wifey type, they’re looking to fuck. And although they may come across a girl who outshines all, the desire to remain single, run the streets, and ‘sow oates’ is greater than the desire to settle down.
    I also feel that it’s crucial that men go through their sowing of Oates stage and until they’ve gained invaluable experience, their confidence w women and have consequently exhausted all their resources-money, time, chasing new women every week, they will eventually shift to the mindset that dealing with one woman is a lot more economical and convenient. And they may actually be in love and shit.,
    What I do suggest for women who feel they’re on hold, ask yourself what the fuvk you’re holding for. Get out of that mindset of fantasizing and expecting. It’s a dangerous habit.
    I deal with some pretty awesome dudes (in the most humblest of ways) but I defintely don’t sit and fantasize abt how our lives will be together. Shit I don’t even know what I’m doing this weekend, let alone mos/yrs from now.
    If a guy pays you no mind, pay him less mind. Live your fucking life. The only way you’re ever going to stand out is when you are independant and he doesn’t feel he has to compromise his life to be with you.
    Sorry this is long, (& excuse typos..I’m on an iPhone & dnt feel like proofreading) but shit I had a lot to say.
    Cheers, mate.

  7. I have been here, wasted time, energy and money before I realized he wasn’t going to commit so I let him go. 2 minutes later he got married. That was 3 years ago. For the last 4 weeks he has been FB’ing me all up in my business. Then I ran into him, and he’s talking bout ” I still love you” ” It should have been us together!” It took all the strength in me not to either break into tears or punch him in his god damn mouth! He was holding my arm not letting me walk away as he told me how much he missed me, and how we should have been together. He finally let me go when I asked him repeatedly “Where’s your wife and kids???” I’m getting upset just recounting this. This dude who supposedly loved me, spent everyday and night at my house told me he didn’t want a relationship and then up and married someone else???? Moral of this story ladies, if he says he doesn’t want a relationship, believe him and keep it moving!

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