An open letter from HLBB: Bitch, sit the fuck down…

 I will preface this entry with the following statement: I’m a little pissed off. Today’s post isn’t directed to the men either; it’s directed to a certain type of female. This particular breed of girl has made her appearance in the lives of a few men I know…men I hold near and dear to my heart… men that I would gladly slap a bitch for. So this open letter is to her and her kind.

 My pimp hand has been raised…

You,

I’ve had enough of hearing about you. You’re not slick in my eyes, nor are you the woman my boy(s) make you out to be. You’re running a particular type of game that is played on both sides, but for some reason, men don’t recognize it when they’re the ones who have been played. I’m not impressed.I see you when you meet him, get him engaged and get him all interested. But you don’t want him. For whatever reason it may be – and I’m sure it’s valid – but you have not said those exact words. You haven’t let him go. This is what’s slick about it: you’ve always been “truthful” about the situation.

You have a man. You just got out of a relationship. It’s just a sex thing. You just want to be friends. There’s someone else. You haven’t gotten over your ex. You’re focusing on your career right now.

Shall I go on? Because trust, I know the Book of Excuses the way Jimmy Swaggart knows the Book of Revelations. So go ahead, quote from your book, because it’s your actions I have issues with…

You call him when you get into a fight with your man. You do girlfriend like things, like introduce him to friends and family, cook for him, celebrate his birthday, and share important details of your life. Sex. He wants to but you don’t. You may have thrown him a bone once or twice, but that’s about it. You then gently explain that you feel more friendship for him than sexual attraction, yet still have no problem calling his ass at 2 in the morning when you need a place to crash (no sex though). You tell him about the “someone else” and then compare him to that person, moaning and groaning about how difficult it is for you to choose. When he presses for more time together or hints at a commitment, you cite your career. But when you need him for something, you have no problem in taking time out of your busy day to call him up for it.

Bitch. Shut the fuck up.

If you were to reverse the genders on these scenarios, a bunch of women would start nodding their collective heads, remembering the guy that ran this exact game on them. But guys? They don’t realize that women do this shit…and that’s when they call me. Confused. You know why they call me up all confused? Because each one of you has told him that you were with a guy who treated you in this exact way. So when you quote from the Book of Excuses while contradicting yourself with your actions, he gets confused… because you wouldn’t treat someone this way after having it done to you, right?

Right?

You want to disagree with me? Go ahead. Because it’s your contradicting ass that causes men to label ALL women “confused”…so when a woman now says she’s focusing on her career but wants to find that person to grow with, the men tune out after the word “career” because of you, and she’s left talking to a proverbial brick wall. Or, when she says a guy is a friend, he assumes that this is the guy she’s stringing along until something better comes up because that’s what YOU did. We know that men aren’t the best at opening themselves up to emotions, and here you are playing with them. I’m fucking sick of it. YOU are creating the assholes of the world. You perpetuate the cycle of: he’s an ass to this girl, so she can be a bitch to this guy and then that guy can be an ass to this girl…and on and on and on…

As for that “getting even” or “it’s my prerogative” or that “eye for an eye” bullshit? I have a simple response for that:

Grow up.

Yes. A pair of high heels and money in the bank doesn’t make you grown sweetie, your actions do.

Look, I’ve had some shitty things done to me by men. I’ve been dumped, I’ve been used, I’ve been cheated on, I’ve been stalked (as in try to issue a peace bond, had change my number twice stalked). But NEVER have I allowed any of the actions of someone else dictate my actions towards another person.

I’m not sitting a perch of superiority here either sweetie, I’m calling out your weakness for what it is. You got hurt, I get it. But what? You now you think it’s okay to mess with the emotions of another person so you can feel better? Really? How well is that working out for you? How many men have to pay for the actions of that asshole ex? Do you think these guys are a bunch of collective voodoo dolls and that whatever you do to them will be felt by your ex?

No, you twit. It doesn’t. It just creates more like him.

Oh, almost forgot my favourite move. It’s when my boy(s) realize that this isn’t going anywhere and find the strength to cut you off…you start calling, texting and showing up on their doorstep even, asking them to not be mad at you. that you still want to be his friend. Get the fuck out of here with that bullshit! If the roles were reversed and he did that stuff, you’d be screaming “stalker”. But YOU do it and he thinks “but see? She DOES want me”. But you don’t. You just want to stick more pins in the voodoo doll so you can exorcise your demons.

Because if you really cared, if you were genuine and honest about your friendship, you’d realize that you’d have to let him go.

Okay maybe, you are at a confused stage. Does keeping him in the picture make it any clearer? Truthfully, no. But you spin your truth to fit your needs, don’t you? He’s good to you. Sure. But there’s no reciprocity, the real genuine give and take that makes a true friendship. What kills me – no, what makes me want to bitch slap you – is that you know this. Call it what you want, but you’re exploiting a “friendship” to suit your truth. In debating this with one of the men in this situation (because there are a few right now), I started to say “let me be honest…” and he said, “no, no no, she’s been honest with me too but…”

Oh no you haven’t. You’ve told him the truth, but you haven’t been honest. Truth is words, honesty is action.

So take your forked tongue and stick it down someone else’s throat and leave my boy(s) alone.

I’m done with you.

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2 thoughts on “An open letter from HLBB: Bitch, sit the fuck down…

  1. Thank you!!
    This letter has really opened my eyes to the unfairness I have put some men through lately… Everything you described isn’t me, but I saw a few slots that I could fill.. I honestly didn’t think that my actions was causing men confusion and pain, because I was always “Truthful” about the situation… You, my dear, are very correct in saying “you’ve told the truth, but you haven’t been honest. Truth is words, honesty is action.” I cant speak for other women, but my actions wasn’t knowing… I didn’t recognize what I was really doing until I read your letter and saw me… (Sometimes the eye cant see itself!) So, my sister, I thank you for your honest words…. (I loved the bluntness.. I really felt what you were saying!)

    – Deon

    • You’re welcome luv. It’s been said, amongst other women, but I think it needed to be said in a public forum. It just got to a point where too many guys were coming to me with the same story…it’s getting to be an epidemic.

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