The other woman, the sidepiece, the mistress…whatever you call her, she’s basically the woman who you’re fucking, even though you have committed to another woman, your beloved.
Generally the question has been why do men get involved with these types of women? I’d like to ask you all today: why did you get involved with this woman? I have this 80/20 theory…that a person commits to another who fulfills 80% of their wants; the sidepiece usually just embodies 20%. For those of you who have cheated, I want to know: was she worth the 20?
Before you met her, think about it: she wasn’t a mistress…she was a woman. Who met you and liked you. Really liked you. Displayed an interest in you. Finds you attractive…instead of bugging you about not going out anymore or the shabby way you now dress. She’s sexy, she’s funny and she wants you.
In those first few weeks, you debate telling her that there’s someone else and you don’t have to. I mean, it’s not unusual these days to have just a mobile number, so she doesn’t question you not having a landline, you don’t push for sex at your place and she can respect you for it (she thinks you’re being respectful, not careful). You answer her calls, her texts and her BBM messages, you pay attention to her because you love the rush of this girl being into you…it’s just like when you…
First met your beloved.
For some of you, the guilt is too much, so the next time she asks you if there’s someone else, you pause, you think about your beloved. You think about your commitment. You think “is it worth it?” Then you say:
That my lovelies, is when that girl becomes THAT WOMAN.
But what? You leave that sentence hanging and that’s what happens. It’s a blank and she fills it with hope, expectations, and desires. She was single, she was looking, and that word, that “but” is a sign of something bigger.
What did the “but” mean?
“Yeah, but we’re not in a good place right now…”?
“Yeah, but it’s a little complicated…”?
“Yeah, but you’re different…”?
See darlings, these are the different “yeah, but’s” I’ve heard from the girls who became THOSE WOMEN. No one starts out in life thinking that they only deserve to be second best. But life, circumstances, a bad relationship or two and boom, a girl starts thinking half a man is better than none. Besides, it’s those first few weeks, do you realize how attentive and sweet and funny and charming you are? Pretty hard to resist y’know…I mean that’s how you got your beloved.
Then there’s the way you put it on her…damn. The sex is fucking hawt. You’re doing things with her you haven’t done in a while – or ever. You go home to your beloved and want to relieve the experience with her (which is usually the first clue for your beloved, a change in habits), you find yourself getting hard at work, remembering the last time she did that one move with her tongue – or was it your beloved who did it? (Confusing, isn’t it?)
You see, now that she knows there’s a beloved, she views the beloved as the “other”, not her. So she wants to win you over, because you see you may be in a relationship, but…
Your beloved. She’s getting to be really bitchy lately. Picking on everything you do. Asking you questions. Asking you more questions. Nagging your ass. But HER, she accepts you as is. No questions. She understands that she gets to see you on February 13th and not the 14th. She understands when you can’t spend the night because the time you two spend together is about quality, not quantity. She’s a reprieve, an escape…she’s the 20% you’re not getting at home. She thinks that this is the grand passion you’ve both been missing from your lives. She’s not like one of Tiger’s Lucky 13…she’s more like Alicia Keys. (yeah, I went there). At least that’s what she’s thinking. Because yeah, you’re in a relationship, but…
Then one day, you think: she’s only 20% of what I want. I have what I want, right? My beloved still wants me, right? I just want to test her loyalty… So you leave clues…get sloppy. Get caught. She goes off and you promise to end it. Or she leaves you. Or you decide to end it before other of those things happen.
No matter what way you slice it, you realize that you don’t want to be stuck with HER. She’s only good for a lay, for good times…she’s not what a relationship makes. So you end it. She freaks, blasts you for leading her on and you say:
“BUT you knew I was in a relationship!”
You went from “being in a relationship, but…” to “but you knew I was in a relationship!” It’s funny how the meaning of a relationship can change just by moving one word around. So now she’s bitter, crazy. She’s calling and calling and texting, posting shit on your wall, sending BBMs at all hours and you’re avoiding all of it. It’s not like it was serious, what’s she freaking out for? She threatens to contact the beloved…tell her everything. You’re thinking “she used to be so cool…but…”
“Now she’s sweating me…”
“She won’t stop calling…”
“Now she’s just crazy…”
But now. She’s just a mistress.