The First Date

Congrats… you’ve done the approach, the number exchange, had a few chats and she has agreed to go out on a date with you. Now what?

The first date can set the tone for the first phase of the relationship (should there be one); that trial period before you’ve decided you’re a couple or not, so think of it as that important first job interview, with some drinks thrown in for good measure. She’s going to be sizing you up based on a variety of criteria. She’s going to rate your timeliness, your presentation, the way you treat any service people and how you treat the kiss situation (more on that later). If you want a successful first date, you need to be able to match the date to the girl. By now, you should’ve been able to collect a few clues in your conversations, IM chats and BBM/text convos that will tell you what her likes and dislikes are, favourite activities and her general social life. If you’re reading this because you’re looking for tips on how to get laid on the first date, you’ve obviously don’t read this blog enough…

Ladies: let’s make this interactive – add suggestions in the comments section or via twitter

Ultimately, she’s going to make the decision based on YOU and not so much the date, but why not frame yourself in the best possible way? I’m a fan of the unexpected, so my general advice is, do something she wouldn’t be accustomed to doing…

Be prepared…
Do not ask “would you like to go out on a date sometime?” and not know what you’re going to do because once she says yes, her first question will be one of the remaining 5 W’s. She already has the “who”, now it’s a question of the what, when, where and why…

No, it’s not a good move to leave it up to her…YOU asked and make it clear it’s a date – it’s very very annoying to hear the words “hang out” as in “wanna hang out?” That’s what I do with my friends; hell even my friends say “wanna do (insert activity here)?” If your date involves reservations, tickets etc…make sure you have those ready.

Be on time…
And if you’re running late (it happens) CALL. Do NOT text, BBM or send a chat message. Dial her freaking number and hear her voice…leave a voicemail if you have to. Explain why you are running late and give her a realistic ETA.

After waiting for someone for 20 minutes (my absolute maximum wait time), I got a text that said “be there soon”…my response was “I won’t be”.

Be yourself…with a little bit more…
You do not have to go out and get a line up, shave, (erm…wax) or new clothes…she’ll probably be doing that. But you? Not so much. But at least show up clean, presentable and smelling good. Have a hand moisturizer in the glove compartment and lip balm in your pocket. Clean clothes. Don’t come straight from the gym without a shower (happened to a friend of mine…). Basically, put in a little effort man…

Have something to talk about…
I hate small talk, but sometimes it is necessary. You’ve already determined what her days and lifestyle are like (right, you’ve been paying attention, RIGHT??)…so be prepared to talk about it. Also have something to say about yourself. I’ll use personal experience here: the worst dates I’ve ever been on have involved the dude who wouldn’t shut up, and the one who stared at me over our meal. Stared. He said 15 words the entire date (I counted).

Avoid the worst date pitfalls…
In addition to the ones above, there is a chance that some silly embarrassing stuff may happen and you might very well be nervous. If something goes wrong, now is NOT the time to lose your temper. Shrug it off, have a plan B…a plan C… don’t just fall back on dinner and a movie.

End it strong…
What about the end? How you end the first date is more important than how you asked her.

Escort her home or to her car or to wherever the end point is, none of this “peace out, g’night” business.

Use the “10 second” method for the kiss: you lean in and give her a kiss on the cheek and then pull back while counting to 10 in your head. If she wants to kiss you, she’ll move within those 10 seconds; if she doesn’t…oh well. If you want to see her again, tell her then. You don’t have to make the date right away (unless it’s with a Type A), but let her know that you are interested… a simple “when are you free again?” works every time. Trust, she has pretty much decided already whether or not you get another, so you might as well know where you stand.

Follow up. If you parted ways (i.e. drove off in separate cars) then make sure she got in okay. Send her a message letting her know how much fun you had…and if she said yes to a second date, make the suggestion in that message. She’ll then report back to the women (you know there’s a post date recap, right?) that you’re on it…

What? You don’t know about the post date recap? Ah darling boy, obviously you don’t watch sitcoms. She is going to report back to her BFF, or to the committee about everything. She will then determine based on this recap whether or not to go out with you again. NO, it’s not her friends telling her; the recap is used as a sounding board, a way for her to weigh the pros and cons of seeing you again. Hence the criteria.

What if you really, I mean REALLY want to have sex with her? The chemistry is amazing, she’s kissing you goodnight while sitting astride you, all signs point to yes… so you will: pause.

Yes. Pause. She will a) go nuts and want you even more and b) she’ll respect you taking the time to make sure. If she pauses and agrees that you should wait, ask for the second date right now. Have I cheated you out of sex with this advice? Erm, yes, but that’s what the hand cream I told you to buy is for – hello? Be prepared.

BUT, by taking that pause, you now you want her wanting you…and as long as you lock her horny ass in for a second date, you will get some. She will rave about this in the recap:

so we were going at it in the front seat, and girl, I was ready to throw my panties out the window…but he slowed it down. Said as much as he wanted to, he didn’t want to have me regretting anything in the morning…he asked me out for next week…and if he is anything like how he was last night, it’s on!!”

Okay. There, I think that’s enough…now call her up and ask her out. Oh, wait, you didn’t know you were supposed to CALL. (insert dramatic eye roll here) Go back to the beginning of this post and re-read this post. Do I have to tell you every bloody step? Dang.

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One thought on “The First Date

  1. I figure you have to give a guy these instructions, he’s already at high risk of screwing it up. Any man who’s mature and confident (albeit, nervous) will have enough brains and intuition to know what moves to make. If the vibe is there, things should happen organically and naturally. and if he IS that into you, he won’t charge in for a kiss, forget to check if you got home okay, etc. But as always, a brilliantly insightful post!

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