The 12 Women You Meet in Life – #3: The Throwback Girl

I know darlings, I’ve been a bit delinquent on this…so let’s get started shall we?

The Throwback Girl. Readers my age and younger were raised by the feminists. The women who went out into the work force to bring home the bacon, or by the women who ran households like mini corporations, or, who did both. So we’re used to a certain type of woman: assertive, independent, fearless…Then you meet the Throwback Girl. The one with only one goal: to be a wife and mother. Now you’re thinking: “don’t most women want to get married and have kids?” Yes darlings…but this is ALL the Throwback Girl wants

Her Methods
You gained 20 lbs in the first year because you were fed so well…you forgot how to separate your whites from your darks…your house was clean…your social life was organized with outings, double dates and birthday parties. But, you weren’t even living together (yet). She still lived at home; as her family didn’t expect her to leave until she got married; and she possibly went to school (for something like General Arts and Science) or had a job (in the service industry). Okay, now this is in no way an insult to the Throwback Girl (although regular readers can probably tell I’m not one). They have aspirations for that life much in the way I wish to rule the world. We have to have both.

An Example
I remember the first time I met a Throwback Girl. She was and is one of my dearest friends. We bonded in our teens because, well, we both wanted to take over the world. She travelled, had her adventures, created things, won awards…

Then she met Jonathan. Jonathan is a sweetheart, a quiet, studious guy who is truly a renaissance man. Close to his family who are the ultimate example of tradition. Y’know, Mom and Dad married over 40 years, Jonathan is Jonathan III (and the eldest of 5), and still lives on the same street he grew up on.

“Suddenly” my girl was going antiquing with her mother in law to be. She moved to the small town (they eventually bought a house across the street from his parents). “Suddenly” she was an amazing cook who walked to the bread store to get bread. She stopped driving (literally, if Jonathan is not available to drive she won’t go anywhere that isn’t in walking distance). She complained about the stresses of running the business they had built together. Where I thought I had been seeing a “power couple” in the making, I was really seeing the birth of a Throwback Girl.

Flash forward 8 years later. I had a disappointing relationship fall through because my boyfriend was chasing a dream with no plan (long story). When Ms. – sorry MRS. Throwback found out she said “I really thought that you would stand behind your man…that’s what’s right.”

Me: *blank stare* Did YOU just say ‘stand behind your man’? Really? To ME?

The Explanation
I’ve known Mrs. Throwback since we were about 17 and you know what? There were signs. She hasn’t been forced into the role of wife and mother…she wanted it all along. Did she bait and switch Jonathan? Nope. Because this was the life Jonathan had; there’s nothing unusual about this.

Mrs. Throwback went from a world travelling, business building type of woman who “agreed with the concept of marriage, but isn’t sure if it’s for everyone” to a married, (traditional white princess dress, which looked gorgeous) one kid with one on the way in church every Sunday (she wasn’t religious really and wasn’t raised a Christian) type of woman who last said to me about HER business, “we need an HLBB, someone who can grow it; I have to focus on what’s important.”

I still do the *blank stare* every time she says things like that.

Why you’re attracted to her…
Easy. For all the independence in the world that women have gained, Ms. Throwback is like a breath of fresh air. She is – literally – a throwback to a time where it seems life was simpler; no competition for her attention, time or affection. You know that once you get married – and you WILL get married (she’ll only do the living together thing for so long)– that you’ll have that 2.5 kids, dog and picket fence life.

Do you marry her?
Yup. For some of you – even though the feminist movement has made you afraid to admit it – want a Throwback Girl. Some of you guys love being the provider, the caretaker, the man…you feel a surge of pride when you can do for her. But especially since you know that she is capable of “more” you start to complain…and that’s where y’all piss me off.

Yes she had a job/was in school when you met, but what did she say she was doing after that? Nothing. There was no post grad plan mentioned. No talk of a long-term career. She didn’t say anything about closing on a house/condo. She did talk about how much she loved her niece/nephew and couldn’t wait to have one of her own some day. She did talk about the co-worker who got promoted or switched jobs for more money. She did talk about how she couldn’t wait until she hit year 4 at her job, because then she got an extra week of vacation. She did talk about how she’d rather live in ‘burbs than in the city. She did not talk of going back to work after mat leave.

Then there’s the backlash: no afternoons playing call of duty or hanging with your (single) friends because there are groceries to buy (drive herself? What?)…family to visit…baths to be given. You haven’t gone to a party that started AFTER 7 p.m. in years. The only classes she attend are the mommy and me ones… you haven’t been to the theatre to see a movie with people in it; your films feature dinosaurs, talking fish or princesses. So you see the women you work with: driven, ambitious, out there doing things…and you wonder, “is this it? Is this all SHE’s going to do? Stay at home and take care of the kids?”

YES you ass. That’s what she does. She takes care of a whole human being, from Sunday to Sunday from the moment they wake until the moment they sleep. You’re heating up leftovers at lunch because she packed the meal for you. Your khakis are pressed because she laundered them. Your car didn’t break down because she reminded you to take it in for service. Your house isn’t falling apart because she cleans it daily. YOU don’t have to go out and hunt for sex on a Saturday night and your present for your mother for Mother’s Day is picked out and wrapped, because THAT’S WHAT SHE DOES ALL DAY.

So look at your Throwback and say “thank you” every once in a while okay? Because a chick like me isn’t going to do all that shit for you. I’m too busy trying to take over the world.

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8 thoughts on “The 12 Women You Meet in Life – #3: The Throwback Girl

    • *blank stare*

      YOU?
      YOU?!?!?!

      B-b-but we share a brain! How can this be possible?

      This means, that you are Urban Legend for men. To be who you are now…and for a man to know that you will become a Throwback Girl?
      This, my dear is why you’re single…you’re like a unicorn! Men don’t think you exist!

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