For the record, I am guilty of running a mind game or two. But I can count on my hands the amount of times I’ve done it and still have enough fingers to give the bitches who regularly run mind games both fingers. AND for the record, you guys are guilty of it as well. But I don’t write about men, do I?
But when men play mind games, someone usually figures it out. It’s not always the woman; sometimes it’s her best friend who calls bullshit. But when women do it? Whoa. She gets dirty with it.
(Oh and to the women gearing up to write me angry emails? Sitdownsandshutthefuckup you know you’re guilty of it…)
My inbox, my twitter DMs, my MSN chats, my text messages are filled with variations of mind games. I just want to take each of you poor men and shake you violently and say, “what the fuck is WRONG with you? Can’t you SEE WHAT SHE’S DOING?” So let’s share some examples shall we?
“Oh, did I forget that important detail?”
I’m guilty of this one. Years ago my live-in boyfriend knew a woman who was a thorn in our relationship’s side (too many details for this post). One day I got my revenge, by hanging out with my new work friend Chris. Chris used to make the vein in my Honey’s forehead stand out. I took Chris to a film fest party that my honey couldn’t make it to. I got home and…
Honey: so how was your “date”?
Me: Date? Whatever! We had a great time! Erica was there, we met all these great people and then I took Chris out on the dance floor—
(this was especially evil because my Honey was rhythmically challenged but he knew I love dancing)
Me (cont’d): but he balked at the last minute because: he can’t dance! (laughs) Says “I know, all gay guys are supposedly great dancers, but I’ve only been out for a few years, I have to catch up. And then—”
Honey: CHRIS IS GAY?!?
Me: (feigned innocence) Yeah, I never told you that? I must’ve told you that! So anyways…
Yes. Had he known Chris was gay, he wouldn’t have had to worry for a whole month that I was stepping out on him. So why? I wanted him to feel what I felt about that thorn. Why do women run this mind game? Because we know that sometimes, y’all aren’t paying attention to everything we say! So we bank on those times when you zone out of the conversation. This doesn’t mean that there aren’t things you genuinely forget or didn’t hear. But when you know in your gut that you were never told that detail, that you’d swear it in front of a grand jury, that you’d swear it in front of your mama on your grandmother’s grave that you weren’t told…yeah. Think about it. But we won’t waver in our assertion. In fact, this is the first time I’ve admitted to running that game to anyone but Chris.
Gawd I hate this. I never understood the point. In fact, this is just a low down underhanded bitch move that doesn’t deserve any more keystrokes. If she withholds, grab some porn and some of her expensive face cream and call it even.
Hey, how you doing?
Life is going good…you got your shit together at work…in a new relationship…you’re out with your boys and then, BAM! That random text, email or voicemail message.
“Hey. How are you? I just found (random article that belonged to you but didn’t get back after the breakup) and was wondering if you want it back. I can drop it off for you…”
Have her drop it in the mail. Send a courier. Because unless that item was your grandmother’s priceless wedding ring that you didn’t get back, I can’t think of a good reason to see her. She wants to push your buttons. She wants you to have a rear view mirror moment or to have some random jump off sex. If the sex is worth the aggravation, go for it. But IF your heartstrings still tug a little…do NOT see her.
“Why? What if she wants me back!?!”
Hunny bunny, if she wanted you back, she’d say she wants a conversation; she’d swallow her pride and say she misses you. If she thinks she made the biggest mistake of her life by letting you go, she will SHOW it. Cook your favourite meals, give you head until you see god. Be nice to your mother and that one friend she could never stand.
You hear that sweet sweet voice that used to whisper sweet (and sometimes dirty) things in your ear and you start reminiscing…and promptly forget WHY it ended in the first place. Do me a favour the next time this happens, write down everything you can’t stand about her. Write down everything you love about her. Then throw out the list and forget that she called. She wants to see if she still has pull, that’s all. You responding with “sure, I’ll see you” will prove it. She will continue until she gets bored and then you have a reopened wound to heal.
No, a new girlfriend is not protection. UNLESS you bring said girlfriend to said meeting…oh, you didn’t tell your new girlfriend about this meeting? Mind Game: 1 You: 0
“You’ll be just like the others…”
Every woman worries that you’ll be like all the other assholes she’s encountered. But if she’s pushing you off because “you’ll be just like the others”, she’s setting you up to run through hoops. It’s the wording. If she says something, “you’re not like other guys I dated…” she’s genuinely impressed…see? She elevated you above the others. BUT no sane woman articulates the above insecurity to the man in question. She raises that question with her BFF, her work BFF, the barista at Starbucks, her cousin, her other cousin, her girls over drinks…but never to you! It’s baggage. Lots of us have it…but this? Naaaaah.
You. You will rise to challenge to show you are “nothing like the others”… tapping into that competitive streak that goes with your blasted chromosome. Good luck. I mean it. Because she’s set you up for failure…the slightest misstep and you’ll hear, “See? You’re no different!”
Why does she do it? Most often this happens to a “good” guy. Maybe not perfect, but good. Just not good enough. She keeps you at arm’s length just in case something better comes along. She’s damaged goods, she’s bitter…she’s best left alone.
Any of these sound familiar? Should I continue? This rant was a lot longer, I have more scenarios…but I’ve gone over my word limit. Maybe I’ll do a part 2.