Good Girls Do Porn… (really)

Copy down what I’m about to write: there are women who like porn.

Yes. There are women who like porn. Who will watch porn. Who get off on porn.

I know. You don’t believe me. But it’s true. Much like masturbation (yes, that’s true too! Geesh) , women do not share this sexual tidbit in casual conversation for a variety of reasons. A few weeks back I asked this question on Twitter, “LADIES: Porn as foreplay?” The general response from women was “YEAH” which I wasn’t surprised at. I was surprised by the (unsolicited) responses I got from men via DM and email. Here I thought that if I shared this information with you darling boys, that you’d get all excited and break out the “special DVDs” or the external hard drive for your next Blockbuster night. But quite a few of you were not impressed.

So for those 10 men who aren’t down with it: stop reading, because I think about 3 billion other men who want me to continue….

Okay, for the rest of you, hang on now…before you break out the special DVDs and that external hard drive, let me explain WHY you have yet to successfully mix your favourite pastime with your favourite lady. I mean, WHY can’t you get her to like it? Did you pick the one prudish raging feminist in the bunch?

No hunny bunny…you just picked the wrong time or way to introduce it.

I know. I know. You’re calling bullshit. But let me put a few real life examples down in writing, and you can be the judge….


“My first porn experience…15 years old… went to his house where he was there with his best friend. They pulled out Hustler and started to critique the women…”

“Went over for a hookup and he already had it playing when I walked in the door…”

“We went to the video store…I walked over to ‘New Releases’ and realized he headed straight for the ‘Adult’ section…”

You know how many of those stories I’ve heard? Tsk Tsk.

You don’t just plunk the porn down on the table darlings; the porn is not a drink or a deck of cards. It’s a whole lot of nakedness. While you may be okay with plunking a bunch of nakedness down on the kitchen table in the middle of dinner, I have yet to meet a women who is okay with it…(okay, maybe one)

Good girls do. But Good Girls are automatically labelled Bad Girls if they admit it. Look at the 10 guys who said “I wouldn’t really be cool with a girl who enjoyed it’, because it’s that double standard that is preventing you from enjoying porn with your lady. Even if she doesn’t want to walk down the aisle, no self-respecting woman wants to be considered just slightly above a Kat Stacks on the wifey scale. So while it’s okay for guys to openly joke about their porn consumption, admit it, you would be a bit surprised if she told you she’s bookmarked redtube.com. It’s that split-second of “what?” that crosses your face that holds a lot of (implied) judgment. I remember telling a guy that I was more shocked that a boyfriend had a set of golf clubs in the back of the closet than the porn sitting beside it… and I got “the look”. Simply because I was okay with him having porn.

Back to the timing thing. Porn CAN be used as foreplay. Really. But, foreplay for women is important because we need to know that it’s about us, even for 10 minutes (I’m being generous about that 10 minute thing by the way…grrr. But that’s another post). We know that once you get it in, you are lost to us, you’re in the zone. So if you’re going to use porn as foreplay, you can’t having playing in the background…

What?!

Yup. Because, it’s widely reported that men aren’t the best multitaskers. Which means if you have the porn on, you’re paying attention to it and not to us.

As for this whole thing that men are visual creatures and women aren’t? Bullshit. It’s just that most porn doesn’t give us much to look at. C’mon now, go look at the video you were watching last night…yeah THAT one. I’ve yet to see a guy in straight porn who was attractive. Usually, they’re hairy ‘roided out, greasy (or even worse, ashy!), sounding like Sly Stallone with a lisp on both sides of his mouth, and the only redeeming quality is that he has is a really big penis. So, we sit there for 30 minutes while his only attractive feature is constantly hidden from view…inside Jenna, Mercedez, Nikki or Savanna.

You need to step your porn game up. (all the boys pay attention)

Erotica is to porn as first class is to coach. Both will get you where you want to go, but who wants to ride coach…?

The code word of the day is “imagination”. Good Girls use their imagination…that’s why Dwayne Morgan has women fainting or why women throw their panties at Trey Songz…we want to imagine you doing that to us. You know what? Jenna, Mercedez, Nikki et al screaming “OH DADDY HARDER!” in that universal fake orgasm pitch kinda ruins that for us…

So this is what you do…

Get some erotica (or, if you dare, write down your fantasy)…
Leave her a voicemail. Make sure to say at the beginning something like “this is for your ears only, no speakerphone…”
Read a few lines…
Say to her you want to try something different…
Get her over to the designated spot…
Start the movie and turn off the sound… make sure it’s not one of those wham bam gangbang ones…
Read more of the erotica while you’re watching, or describe the parts in the movie as they’re happening, explaining that you saw this and wanted to do the same to her…

Thank me later…xoxo/hlbb

p.s. a real chat I had about porn https://herlilblackbook.wordpress.com/2009/03/31/excerpt-from-one-of-my-chats/

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2 thoughts on “Good Girls Do Porn… (really)

  1. isn’t the number something like, 1/3 of porn watchers are women? i think most women (unless they are prudes) are open to porn…they just don’t know how to bring it up. and i’m not talking erotica either. that shit is boring. give me the dirty, less talk/more action porn.

    and have it playing in the background….and describe to the dude what’s going on on the screen while he’s busy doing other things…to you. 😛

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