My friend “Kai” is gorgeous. Like men walk into walls when she passes by gorgeous. Smart, crazy successful, funny, raunchy and real on top of everything else, Kai is a friend I don’t get to see as often as like as our monthly dinner dates are wonderful reality checks.
I met her through “Jay” back in university when they were dating. I always thought Jay was a cutie, and that their very different temperaments made them a good balance. Fast forward about 4 years and two houses later, Jay takes Kai on vacation and slaps a very pretty ring on her hand. At one of our monthly dinners, I mention something about Jay being cool and she gives me this “girl, are you on crack?” looks and says, “are you on fucking crack? Jay’s a big ol’ geek.”
Kai, who can get any man she wants…chose a man she considers a geek?
Then the reality check: “to me he’s perfect, but really, to anyone else who didn’t know him, he’s a geek. But you know why you think he’s hot? You love the geeks too…”
It’s true. I heart geeks.
There was even a study that was publicized recently that confirms that women like geeky men with a bit of facial hair. So because there was a study, it’s gotta be true, right? But yes, women love the Geek. So, for the guys who are still holding on to their big man on campus days of high school, I too have a reality check for you: the Geek shall inherit the girl.
Why do women like the Geek?
They pay attention: all those years in high school – where we learn a chunk of our social cues – the Geek had a chance to observe and learn, instead of making shit up as they went along. They now use this knowledge in their adult lives to make sure that when they’re with a woman, she can never complain that he doesn’t pay attention. One woman told me that after moving in with her Geek, she realized that whenever she was PMS-ing and craving certain foods, those foods would magically be in the house. Why? She found out her Geek had entered her cycle into his Blackberry to keep track. Bonus: he also knew when he was getting some…
They take care of themselves: Most Geeks I’ve known suffered with bad hair and skin or struggled with their physiques when they were in high school. Now in their adult lives, they’ve learned what works and they make sure to take care of themselves. Barber/esthetician/dermatologist/P90X DVD set. These are the subtle cues that women look for.
They’ve upgraded: The corrective lenses are now in Prada frames (they don’t scream “Prada” but she knows they’re Prada); clunky no name sneakers have become limited edition Jordans; the nylon knapsack is now a messenger bag from Jack Spade; the pocket protector now replaced with a pocket square in the Paul Smith suit; and the scientific calculator replaced by a (jail broken) iPhone. They’re cultured; they like to read, see interesting movies and can discuss politics beyond their municipal borders. They know a “nice dinner out” is the one reviewed by Zagat, not Milestones.
They’re honest: Having missed out on they day they were handing out the “Player 101” handbook in home room, the Geek relies on honesty and communication when in a relationship. Sure, sometimes they say the wrong thing because they’re being too honest (“yeah, I wouldn’t say you look fat, just rounder…?” was something one woman heard once). But because they don’t know how to do that whole “keep it real” shit, they inadvertently make their woman swoon because they aren’t afraid to say/show how much they care, or missed her or like her.
They keep trying: one Geek I know has been married to his gorgeous wife for over 10 years. He still tries to flirt with her – her response is usually “you already have me!” But, she admits that she loves that he keeps trying. A guy hit on her at the grocery store the other day; her husband went in for the block. She said that the look on the other guy’s face when her husband said “how ‘bout we take your groceries home and I’ll cook you breakfast” was too priceless for words. Note: he DID make breakfast; for Geeks, word is bond.
They’re smart and resourceful: as quoted to me “okay so they can’t fix the toilet, but they know how to find a plumber at 4 in the morning…”
Most of the women I know, as gorgeous as they are, consider themselves “geeks on the inside”: like attracts like. Case in point, Al Bundy the high school football hero married Peg, the local hottie…and yeah, that’s how well that turned out…
They’re passionate about their Geek passion(s): Passion is good. Women like a man who is passionate about something. Even if she doesn’t understand the obsession, she will appreciate it, try to embrace it and respect his passion (as long as it’s not a sociopath-ish one).
They’re humble: no swelled head for the Geek. They aren’t used to the girls fawning over them, so when she gives her Geek a compliment, he appreciates it. Even if he deflects it. Oh and because HE doesn’t walking around acting like he’s the shit, SHE will make sure that she tells people he is.
They actually took mental notes when watching all that porn… ‘Nuff said.