You know you’ve had this moment: you bump into the ex at a party, on the street, or in the mall, and while exchanging pleasantries, you notice:
that the hair’s a little different…
her body’s a little tighter (in fact, could it be, that her boobs look bigger?)…
and the smile’s a little sexier…
Or, you end a relationship and start thinking of ghosts of girlfriends (wives, jumpoffs, whatevers) past and there’s that one sticks out in your mind a little more than the others.
So you start to think: Wait. Why did I break up with her again?
(Yes, you with her. When she dumps you, she too will have the moment I’ve spoken of…)
This is called “rear-view mirror syndrome” – you’re looking at her and thinking not only would you hit it again, but she seems pretty put together as a person. Enough time has elapsed that you think that maybe, just maybe, you were a little hasty in your decision. She’s not necessarily the one who got away, but maybe the one that deserves a second chance…
So you ask her, “are you seeing anyone?” and she says “no, I’ve been really busy with school/work/life. I started my own company/scaled Mt. Kilimanjaro/bought a house/got a puppy and I really don’t have time for a relationship/just ended something/ just been doing me.”
You’re thinking “nice! Maybe I should…”
So you exchange numbers or confirm they’re still the same and say, “let’s go have a coffee or a drink sometime.” Or if you haven’t seen her, you look her up on Facebook to see how she’s doing and send her a message.
There was a reason you dumped her in the first place and the only reason your ass wants to take a trip down memory lane is because you’re more content with having the familiar, than to go out and venture into unknown (and therefore scary) territory. I won’t even get into the reasons as to why you broke up with her, because I wasn’t there. But I will get into the reasons as to why you’re running her down.
You delude yourself into thinking that maybe she was the one that got away, because c’mon, she’s hot(ter), she’s (more) accomplished and she’s single. So why not? It’s not even a case of the grass being greener, it’s very much “Objects in the Rear-view Mirror Look Better Than They Did Before”.
Trust me, she’s prepared for this. We women have learned that success is the best revenge. Even if it was the most amicable of breakups, she will take some small satisfaction in knowing that she’s got you looking in that rearview mirror. It’s because once a woman gets to a certain point in her dating life, she has had the mortifying experience of bumping into an ex while looking like shit, and has vowed it will never happen again. So she will make sure she looks cute even while walking her new puppy or while she’s at Canadian Tire buying a garbage bin. AND she will for damn sure make sure she is looking like the hotness if she has any inclination that you might be at the same event as her. She will have mentally prepared for the “bumping into my ex who dumped me” moment. She has prepared the casual tilt of the head, the list of accomplishments, the sexier smile (really a satisfied smirk)… she has even made sure that there will be a twitch in her ass as she walks.
She has rehearsed the moment while sitting in traffic, in a boring staff meeting, or while trying on clothes for that party. She is waiting for you, she is waiting for you to look at her, study her, notice the new hair, take note of the tighter ass and stare at the bra that makes her boobs look bigger.
She wants you to look, she wants you to wonder, she wants you to want to hit it…and she wants you to look in your proverbial rear-view mirror as she walks away.
Yes. Walks away. Cause unless she suggests the drinks, exchanging phone numbers, etc, she doesn’t want anything to do with you anymore. Consider it a blessing, a dodged bullet. Because while you’re so engrossed in her improvements, you’ll temporarily forget what she needed to improve on in the first place. Like her being crazy, or a bitch, or hated by your friends and family. That you had nothing in common but great sex, or that neither of you liked the same movies/food/lame jokes.
So forget the rear-view, what if you had her back in front of you? Would you want her back?
Yes? Think about it for a couple of days, then call her…
No? The enjoy the reflection in the rear-view mirror and keep driving…