Had a conversation with a few ladies last night that just slayed me. All were about the bad dates we’ve had. There were a few common elements in each of our stories, even though some of us had met for the first time last night, had different social circles and didn’t even live in the same country. This is what happened:
She met him at a Carnival-themed party. He was wearing a mask. They were drunk. Her friends swore he was cute and she remembered his gorgeous eyes. She agreed to a date later that week.
Mr. Presumptuous showed up two days before the appointed date and said “I was just in the area, maybe we can meet for coffee?” Okay cool. So why did he show up at her door with a bottle of wine and suggest they stay in? Guys the ol’ bait and switch? Not a good look. You said coffee. She barely remembers your face, you really think she’s going to invite you in?
In this case she did (her roommate was home), but only because he was “so hideous” that she didn’t want to be seen in public with him. She might’ve been able to forgive the ugly, but she couldn’t forgive the stupid. Dude showed up with legal documents and she had to explain how to fill out the forms.
She decided to try online dating. After a few weeks of flirting and phone calls with Mr. Charming, she agrees to lunchtime date. He shows up a half hour late and proceeds to not order anything to eat but a salad. She broke her “I don’t drink during the day” rule, because Mr. Charming became a mute for the entire time. Oh, the reason he didn’t eat? There was a function in his office, so he ate there to “save money”.
Okay, we get that there’s a recession. But why suggest an activity that costs more than $5 then? She ate and she paid (even for his salad). She could forgive the broke, but she could not forgive the muteness or lateness – “bored out of her skull” she said…
He sat there and stared with this big goofy-ass grin. Convinced it was a bad date for both she took solace in the fact that he felt the same way. He called for a month. When he realized that she wasn’t answering calls from his cell, he switched to calling from his office line (because she wouldn’t recognize the number)…she finally told him to fuck off.
From Toronto (by way of Mississauga)
Not all women are adverse to first date sex; you can thank Sex and the City for this liberation… As they started to get into it, he asked that she stroke the back of his neck. She agreed. He started to purr…
…and arch his back…and roll his head…and then got on all fours and growled.
Catman? Don’t bring out the fetishes on the first date. You don’t know how she’s going react. She faked mental illness, that she forgot to take her meds and was having a severe reaction, and that her roommate was taking her to the pharmacy. Boys, no woman is going to tell you that she’s crazy. If she tells you that she’s crazy, she does not want your ass.
When she finally broke down and told him the truth – that the cat thing freaked her out – he suggested that it was because she hadn’t been taking her meds and that no one had ever had that problem before.
Well, chalk it up to the fact that she’s not a “cat person”…
From Toronto (by way of New York):
He asked her out three times. She had a full-time job, school and was starting her own business, so she was chronically busy. Then she finally she said yes. He didn’t show up. She called him, texted him, worried that something happened. After waiting for an hour, she went out with friends, alternately pissed and concerned. This guy was feeling her, what could’ve happened?
He emailed the next day and said that friends showed up unexpectedly and plans changed. She asked if he somehow broke all his fingers. He asked why. She said because you could’ve called and you’re an asshole. Only interested in the chase? Not a good look.
She could forgive that something came up. She could not forgive that he didn’t call. She could not forgive that he sent an email and most importantly, knowing that her time was limited and precious, he wasted it.
Ladies: share…what’s the worst date you had? Post in the comments!
Guys. Take notes.