The 12 Women You Meet in Life – #2: The Diamond Digger

Based on conversations I’ve had with men, women are generally categorized by “type” and in the English-speaking world, these types tend to be universally recognized. I argue that these types are actually archetypes: there is the original and then there are variations on it.

Each month, I will profile a different female archetypes…chances are you have come across her in your daily life, met her in the club or hell, even married her. I will explain my definition, why I think she exists, and if you so choose, what you can do to attract her (or, if need be get rid of her).

Presenting Woman #2 – The Diamond Digger

Diamond Diggers…sigh. They are NOT like gold diggers in any sense of the word. They aren’t after your money, your car, or expect you to take care of them. Diamond Diggers have one goal: They want matching left ring fingers.

Their Methods
They want to be called your girlfriend after 3 weeks…meet the family after 3 months…move in after 9 months…and by the 12th month, her BFF is mentioning in casual conversations how much your girlfriend prefers square cuts, 1 – 2 carats, D colour and oh yeah, she likes VVS. (Google it)

You wake up one morning and think: what the fuck? I just wanted some tail!

An Example
My first encounter with a Diamond Digger was about 6 years ago. My boyfriend at the time had a best friend named “Joshua” (names and some other details changed to protect my ass). Joshua was this funny, charming, intelligent Irishman that knew he was NOT good at commitment; which is why he was getting a divorce.

Then he met “Mila”. Mila was a one night stand that didn’t go home the next day…or the day after…or the day after that…

I first heard about Mila from my boyfriend, or as he referred to her: “the 3 day one night stand”. Knowing Joshua the way I did, I was sure there would be another Mila in a few weeks.

Mila moved in after a few weeks…she had her own set of keys.

So Joshua, being a traditional Irishman, spent more time at his local, but Mila would just call up the pub to see if he was there and would join him for dinner. She would answer the phone if you called, and after a month or so, started speaking in “we’s” as in “we would love to have you over for dinner” or “we were thinking of going to a B&B next week”.

Mila wanted to go furniture shopping by month two…Joshua got a couch.

One night at drinks, Mila asked me why my boyfriend and I hadn’t married yet because we had been together about 3 years at this point. Darlings, I’m the opposite of the Diamond Digger (please, I’m not even girlfriend material), so of course I just laughed and explained that we weren’t interested in marriage and just fine the way we were. Mila said, “I want to be married and have 2 kids by the time I’m 30” and gazed adoringly across the bar at Joshua. Joshua however wasn’t yet divorced. In fact, because it was an amicable divorce, he and his ex hadn’t even started proceedings. He was still supporting his ex to be while she worked on her PhD and in fact, still talked to her regularly (no sex though, she was actually dating someone else too).

Oh did I mention that Mila was 28 going on 29? Yeah…

I looked at Mila, and well, I had a few drinks in me, so I said “good luck hun, he’s an Irish Catholic who hasn’t even gotten a lawyer yet…” I’m so glad I could’ve taken her in a fight…because you should’ve seen the look on her face.

Flash forward to December (roughly about 8 months of dating). Joshua’s father passes away in Ireland and he scrambles to get back home. In his rush, he actually managed to ask Mila what she wanted for Christmas, and said that he would buy it for her while he was passing through London.

Her response? “I want you to get your divorce”.

Yes, read that again. His father died…she pushed for him to get the divorce.

My boyfriend told me the story as it was told to him from Joshua and again begged me to help Joshua out of this relationship. While I was (and still am) disgusted at her remarks, it just proved she had one objective: matching left ring fingers.

For that Christmas, my honey got me a little blue box with something shiny inside: a bracelet from Tiffany’s. I loved it, because it was something I wanted and he remembered that I wanted it (noooo, I don’t drop hints, I admired a friend’s one day and he acted on it). A few days later, we go out with Mila and Joshua and of course Joshua knows what I got. He says, “How was your Christmas?” I roll up my sleeve to show off the bracelet and Mila grabs my wrist, inspects the bracelet and sniffs. Then the bitch says “yeah, were there the other day to look at rings, but this is nice”. My honey grabbed my other arm and pulled closer to him in a cuddle…just so I wouldn’t smack the bitch. Would you believe that they were still together when my honey and I broke up a year later?

The Logic
Joshua could pull any girl he wanted. So why did he stay with Mila? Apparently the sex was really good, but really, it’s because she also brought order to his life. Everything had a plan…he had furniture…he made it to work on time…he actually drank less (frequently)…he knew where things were in his (their) apartment. I figured all that plus sex equaled an alright relationship.

But no ring.

Why are you attracted to her?
Pay attention boys. Diamond Diggers play by The Rules, they will drop hints within the first few weeks. They come from all classes, races and backgrounds. They will take on your interests, hobbies AND friends. You will wake up one day and they will be a part of your life…and you?

Do you marry her?
Dude, if you’re with one, you are as good as married. Most men don’t get rid of a Diamond Digger…they either don’t want to or don’t know how. The only way to get rid of her is to not marry her. She will eventually give up, in about 5, 6 years.

Famous Diamond Diggers
Kim Kardashian, Heidi Montag (married!), Jessica Biel, Jennifer Lopez (married!)


2 thoughts on “The 12 Women You Meet in Life – #2: The Diamond Digger

  1. Pingback: uberVU - social comments

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