In all the blog posts I’ve written and in all the situations I witnessed, I never thought I would have to write about this guy. If you want the details…keep reading. If you just want the moral of the story, skip to the last paragraph. I’ve had my shares of ups, downs and dramas lately (sigh), but this came out of left field and I won’t lie darlings…it’s hurting. All because I never thought that this guy would do this…
This guy has known me for more than half my life. This guy is a person who I’ve celebrated family moments with. This guy is a person I called when my sister passed away years ago. This guy called me nena (Spanish for baby girl). This guy dedicated “Miss Independent” to me on Facebook, joking that Ne-Yo must’ve met me. This guy ruffled my curls and told me I was cute. We talk maybe 3, 4 times a year. He’s like family…
I know that he’s going through a separation from his wife and a host of other things right now. So, when I got the email out of the blue last week asking to see me today I thought “yeah, it’s been too long since we’ve seen each other…” He then he called me to see why I hadn’t answered the email. I explained I was busy. He said that he was getting together with friends for lunch at a new restaurant on Monday and wanted me to be his “date”…
Nothing weird about that…
He then kept asking me to call him later on in the evening to confirm (when I already said I go). When I didn’t call back right away, he called again and we proceeded to have a catch up chat. He grilled me about a few life things…work, creative endeavours, etc. etc… and then he asked about my “status”.
Again. Nothing weird about that…
After detailing my status, he dismissed it with two words, literally 2 words. Then the conversation got weird. How happy he was to be seeing me etc. etc. Then, he mentions a person I casually know out of the blue and asks how I know him. When I tried to find out how HE knew the person, he said, that “(I) came up in conversation”. Without details, let’s just say that ME coming up in conversation with these two people would not normally happen. Okay. It would never happen…
Other odd comments came up…joking that I should move away with him to the U.S. (I’m gonna say he was joking)… that my ex was stupid for leaving me…that my quirkiness is why he’s always loved me…that my skin is “so soft”…
Now, any questions about his wife or his situation? Deflected. Wouldn’t you tell a friend – scratch that, a friend who is like family – what’s going on? Gentlemen: tell me if I’m overreacting. Ladies: please tell me I’m overreacting. You don’t know how badly I want to be overreacting right now. It wasn’t so much the words as it was the tone. It’s a tone I’ve heard a few times now and it shocks me every time; the tone where the guy wants to cross that line from friendship to “whatever”. I do not want to be hearing this tone from this guy. What hurts, is that after years of friendship I’ve experienced people trying to cross that line before with the explanation that I’m seem amenable to it.
I’ll be the first to admit I’m neurotic, so when the call came today that lunch with friends would need to be dinner with friends, I said “okay” (with hesitation).
Him: “maybe we can go to the movies after? Just me and you?”
Me: “well, I was really going to support this new restaurant of your friend’s. But since I can’t really eat there (dietary restrictions and allergies), I really should come home and prep for the move and, y’know eat…”
Him: “oh, well we should go out, just you and I. And since that we can’t meet everyone until 6 for dinner, they’ll have to head back to Windsor early, so we can always do something…?”
Me: “I can commit to dinner, but I’ve got other things to take care of.”
After that conversation, I called the BBFF (Boy Best Friend Forever) for feedback as these conversations were setting off the spidey senses (which I always trust). So I told him about the conversation – and he said:
“What? Did he just ask you out on a date?”
(As if I wasn’t already having an upsetting weekend…)
After relaying the conversations to him, my trusted advisor says, “find whatever excuse you can and DON’T go to dinner”.
So now, I sit here spilling this out, in hopes that a bunch of you will read this and tell me that I’m being neurotic and overreacting. Like I said, the words, the examples I’ve given are isolated and without intonation. What I heard is what I inferred…and because I’ve heard it a few times before, I sit here upset, saddened and disillusioned (and hungry).
As I write this, I remember that the ex he mentioned never liked him, because he always thought that this guy wanted “something” and I’d always say, “pffft! He’s family! You’re overreacting!”
(I think this is what they call ironic)
Guys…the moral of the story is we need to establish a statute of limitations on crossing that line. If it’s been say, more than 2 years, you cannot ask for dates, benefits, nothing. After those years, you cannot cross that line, nor tell the person that you want to cross that line. If you are married (legally, emotionally, whatfuckingeveryouwanttocallit) you NEVER EVER cross that line; you don’t even mention the idea of it jokingly. We are your friends. That’s it. To cross that line insults the friendship. The realistic amongst us know that you put us in your spank bank, but don’t ever tell us and leave it as a fantasy. Just let us stay your friend.