The 12 Women You Meet in Life – #1: The Ice Queen

Based on conversations I’ve had with men, women are generally categorized by “type” and in the English-speaking world, these types tend to be universally recognized. I argue that these types are actually archetypes: there is the original and then there are variations on it.

Each month, I will profile a different female archetype…chances are you have come across her in your daily life, met her in the club or hell, even married her. I will explain my definition, why I think she exists, and if you so choose, what you can do to attract her (or, if need be get rid of her). I decided to start with my favourite archetype, especially since I’ve been accused of being her quite a few times…

Presenting Woman #1 – The Ice Queen

Described as cold and haughty, the Ice Queen is usually the LAST woman you approach, and usually after a drink or two (or 7 or 12…). She could be 5 feet tall and you could be 6’6, but she still manages to look down on you. Your jokes don’t impress her, she looks bored with you right after you say “hi” and while you stand there, being assessed, judged and dismissed with a single glance, you think two things:

1: this bitch really needs to get laid…

2: why isn’t anything I’m doing working?

*note – if she’s only like this with you, but you witness her be friendly to other people…move on. She just doesn’t like you.

Her Habitat: At a party or large social gathering she’s in the corner or off to the sides. There is no table dancing or doing shots at the bar for the Ice Queen; she’s too busy “surveying her kingdom”. Anything she might deem “childish” she rolls her eyes at and scoffs. Generally it takes a lot of persuasion for her to join in on anything and it’s actually a bit of a surprise that she’s even out; doesn’t she have baby seals to club to death? Ice Queens are usually accompanied by a more outgoing friend. She’s also considered to be sexually frigid…

Why Are You Attracted to Her? That’s easy. She’s the ultimate “get”. You will have succeeded where others have obviously failed. The Ice Queens I know are considered beautiful (I’m not including myself in description), so it’s an even bigger achievement in the eyes of your fellow men. She also seems mysterious; and who doesn’t like solving a good mystery?

Why is she like this? Good question. Some of you may even know the answer. It’s not because she hates men or blames them for a past failed relationship. The truth is: she’s shy. Painfully so. The Ice Queen is not surveying her kingdom, she’s afraid to join in. She’s scoffs at being silly and childish because she’s looked silly so many times in the past that she can’t bear the thought of people laughing AT her.  She will reject you first because she’s been rejected in the past and doesn’t want to go through that again. Ice Queens also tend to be very accomplished women and always busy, so they never seem to have time for anyone. It’s because they’re socially awkward and their attempts at teasing and joking sound like brittle insults. When they share information, they act like they’re bestowing it upon you; but it’s simply because they know no other way.

Who dates the Ice Queen? Very brave men. Actually, the more confident and outgoing YOU are, only increases your chances of dating an Ice Queen. She’s attracted to your confidence, swag, and friendliness.

How to Approach: To approach an Ice Queen you must not be afraid of rejection…you will have to attempt it a few (hundred) times. Thick skin is a must… her insults cut deep. You have to have nothing that she can pick apart, because she is always on the offensive. You must go in thinking “there is someone else out there for each of us” and you MUST have that vibe before you approach. You have to be like George Clooney, not George Costanza. Ice Queens rarely date their immediate peers and are usually seen with someone a little bit older (because they have that thicker skin) or even a little bit younger (because they honestly believe there are more women out there).

Does she ever melt? Ice Queens are closet romantics but they tend to also be very driven women; so many assume (incorrectly) that she doesn’t respond well to traditional ways of wooing. You think she’ll laugh at your attempts to be romantic, so you don’t bother, right? Yeah, you and all the other men out there. So, it becomes her worldview that men don’t try. Try a little tenderness. Watch her melt. Don’t do what everyone else does. You’ll see.

How to get rid of one: Uh, loser you don’t. She got rid of you when she laid eyes on you. Dismissed. NEXT!

Do you wife her? ONLY if you can put up with her acidic comments about your clothes, your friends, and your mother; dramatic sighs and eye rolls every time you hit the dance floor and ONLY if you like great sex. Oh yeah, Ice Queens are soooooo not sexually frigid.

Famous Ice Queens: Claire Standish (The Breakfast Club), Stella Payne (How Stella Got Her Groove Back), Miranda Hobbs (SATC).


18 thoughts on “The 12 Women You Meet in Life – #1: The Ice Queen

  1. I have been crowned the biggest asshole in life by my peers and have been compared to Miranda Hobbs even more so. Do I have a problem with it? Absoloutely none! I like being the way I am and if u don’t…well u can join my #idontgiveafuck pile thnx.

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  6. Wow! People would tell me that I seemed like an ice queen before they got to know me…and I honestly didn’t know what they meant. This explains everything. I didn’t realize that this is what people see me as…but I don’t think I’ll mind if I get to date a brave man! There are so few these days.

  7. Ok I agree with everything except I’m not painfully shy, just shy. haha.
    I have been called and Ice Queen, “fridgid bitch” and various other names like that more times that I can count. And I could care less. But it’s come in handy so many times thoughout my life. I don’t feel bad when I have to tell people the hard truth, people come to me to hear what they need to hear not what they want to hear, and it protects me from people who would otherwise walk all over me.
    Miranda Priestly is the ulitmate example of what I think a great (hey I don’t discriminate against myself!) Ice Queen is made up of. She’s gorgeous (both in the book and played by the lovely Meryl Streep,) has an amazingly successful job inwhich she rules over with an iron fist, and has disfuctional relationships (ehh….ok so this is the bad side to being an Ice Queen.) And people love to hate her and hate that they love and need her.
    And guess what? She doesn’t give a crap about what any of them think, well she does, but she doesn’t show it.
    She’s inspiring.

  8. Such an overgeneralization, and perhaps one of the biggest bits of misogynistic drivel I’ve read in a while. We women need to stick together and stop dissecting one another.
    Perhaps “Ice Queens” as you so stereotypically lable them are not shy, but simply see through transparent people. Maybe they’re too intelligent to take other people’s crap. Maybe they are truly bored with the corny, childish sex “humor” of it all and they just wish something interesting would develop in these social situations for once. Maybe a pushy, outgoing friend dragged them out and the entire social experience is a dull, annoying chore for them.
    Don’t attempt to deconstruct people to make their behavior easier to understand for yourself. Respect each individual, because you do not know their story.
    I will not be responding to anything you have to add to this, so fire away if you must – I have said my piece. Perhaps after a fiery retort, you’ll mull this post over in your head a bit and understand its meaning.

    • Hi A,

      It kind of sucks that you wil not respond to anything I might have to say. I fully encourage conversations around my posts, and although you have said you will NOT respond, hopefully you’ll read my response.

      1) Wow. This is the first time anything I’ve written has been labelled “misogynistic”.

      2) I chose the Ice Queen label because it was a stereotype I wished to dispute (i.e. all women who don’t engage with men in conventional situations are just stuck up).

      3) I don’t ever assume that I know everyone’s story. I report the stories I am told. This post was a viewpoint shared by others, but it’s definitely not the only viewpoint.

      4) If there are people who feel that they are too intelligent for what I’ve written, or have expectations that social situations will rise to their standard, or find conventional social situations (that I like to report on and dissect, using humour) a “chore”, then those people shouldn’t dig through the archives for old posts. They’re not my audience.

      5) I mulled over this post long before I hit “publish” and stand by it.

  9. I got called an Ice Queen the other day, thought it just meant a cold woman but reading this there is so much more to it! This is ME. I’m born on a cusp half leo half virgo and one night I will be doing the robot and dancing like a free spirited child, the next I will be sitting in the corner at a table (because queens don’t like to stand for too long.) twirling my hair and checking my lipstick in the mirror. It’s like a war within myself of the girl who wears her heart on her sleeve looking doe eyed at any guy who asks her to dance, between the distant lady who snarls at disgust at any attempt of flattery by a man.

    Really interesting comments too.. especially ‘Perhaps “Ice Queens” as you so stereotypically lable them are not shy, but simply see through transparent people. Maybe they’re too intelligent to take other people’s crap. Maybe they are truly bored with the corny, childish sex “humor” of it all and they just wish something interesting would develop in these social situations for once.’ This is so so so so so so true. I am deeply intuitive and see through others and they get the feeling that I pre judge them, it’s the opposite, I am considerate of others but I can’t help KNOWING what someone is like INSTANTLY.

  10. Ahahaha….I’ve been crowned the Ice Queen and the Stone Princess since the 7th grade. But who cares? Men are all the same anyways…

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