Oh hunny bunnies… We’ve been seeing this a lot lately. We are not amused. It’s about her, the girl you’ve tried to wife against a logic and reason. The girl you think is your dream girl…so you go after her like you’re a starving man in the desert. Instead of dating her for the moment, you start talking about a lifetime. 6 months later, a year even, you’ve turned into Al Bundy and complain relentlessly about her.
But…You’re still with her. You tell us, she’s changed, she wasn’t like that in the beginning.
Uhm…guess what? She was.
You were too blinded by the beauty, the sex, the whatever you want to call it to see the signs. But she did NOT turn into Peggy Bundy overnight. The seeds of that were planted a loooong time ago. I’m not saying people don’t change – but you can’t say you’re dating a completely different person because, if you were honest with yourself, you would’ve seen the signs you’re seeing now. Do any of these scenarios sound familiar?
You’re a commitment-phobe. By the end of date one, you know how many kids she wants and why getting married in her grandparents backyard is the perfect setting. Do not be surprised if she is pushing for you to make a stronger commitment (ahem, buy a ring/move in/get matching tattoos) in a year’s time…
Your princess begins to pout because you didn’t pay for dinner/pick her up/fix her dad’s car/help her babysit? Uhm, were you ALWAYS doing those things? Then that is what is expected of you! Hello?! What other precedent is she going to base it on? I firmly believe that it’s better to feel as if you’d do anything for a person, than feel as if you do everything for a person…
She doesn’t cook/keep house/do things the way you thought she would once you got married/moved in together. This is so easy to determine: look at how she was when you lived separately, because guess what? If she wasn’t like that before, she’s not turning into a domestic goddess overnight. If you expected to give a woman keys to your place and in turn she keep house for you, I hope you’ve given those keys to a maid service. It should also go without saying, but I’ll say it anyways: she’s not your mother.
“I don’t know why she wears all that makeup/weave/hair dye/high heels or spend all her time at the hairdresser/nail salons/spa”. This goes two ways: either she figures that’s how you met her, so she needs to maintain it, OR she puts that effort into herself because she wants to. How is this a problem that your girl wants to look good? So what if she’s high maintenance…is she the one maintaining it?
“She has no direction in life…” The majority of women I know don’t suddenly give up EVERYTHING in their lives because of love. So chances are, you initially loved that you could “help her out”, give advice, be there for her, etc. Now, it’s not so fun always “being there” for her. Next time, before you feed your ego, feed hers a bit; empower instead of enable, yeah?
“She doesn’t really match me intellectually”. Excuse me, but huh?
This was NOT overnight either; you may have fucked her senseless the night before, but sweetie, she did NOT wake up stupid. Lemme guess, was it that one time she just didn’t get the joke and you realized that she never really gets the joke? Or her cute emails are full of emoticons, chat speak and spelling errors? Guess what honey, the cute ran out; that’s why she doesn’t match you intellectually this morning. She never did…the cute has just run out.
“She doesn’t match me sexually” – so, she gave you head last week and now won’t go south of your solar plexus. It’s called a “job” and if you’ve ever had those days where you didn’t feel like going to work… But I’m talking about the desire, drive, interest. If you think the “job” is a fun way to have foreplay and she only really did it the beginning because she wanted to impress you…you can tell. She reluctantly went there instead of with gusto, she screwed up her face when you asked, but took a deep breath and did it anyways. That honey, is not a match! That’s a power struggle. Hopefully, you’re an expert negotiator or your birthday is coming up real soon.
Again, change does happen. I’m not denying that. I’m talking about the signs of change… or lack of. “Wifeys” share your core values, your beliefs, stimulate you outside the bedroom, give you what you need without you having to ask (and I don’t just mean sexually) Wifeys have your back, they’re not on your back. If you not sure that she’s wifey material…