Guys, when it comes to romance, you can’t just catch a fucking break. To quote Ne-Yo, you love her ‘cause she got her own…but heaven help you if you try to open a door, pay the bill at dinner, or try to fix something in her house, right? Yes, the age of Miss Independent is upon you but then, Keri Hilson says:
Diamonds a girl’s best friend, if you can provide them/ I might even act a fool while you’re hittin’ it…
So Miss Independents are still best friends with Diamonds? What the fuck? I know hunny bunnies, it’s confusing. So, I asked the question via Twitter and email today: is romance/chivalry dead? Well…this is what they’re saying.
Via twitter: romance is probably more dead than chivalry. romance requires thought and effort…not dead, but it has a bad case of the swine flu and may not recover in a lot of areas. Prognosis isn’t good…And they’re not gentlemanly enough these days…I don’t think it’s dead. But I think women these days are too independent to always appreciate it…
Via email: It’s dead. Feminism killed it…I don’t think men know how. They think because I like sports that I can’t also like flowers…They don’t know how to be sexy/ flirty, they think 2 a.m. booty calls are sexy. They aren’t…he asked me out via text message. I never responded.
It got me wondering, in this day and age; what IS romance? How do you romance a Miss Independent who wants to go dutch on the bill, open her own doors and stresses that she wants you but doesn’t NEED you?
Well, I think it’s two little words (RELAX! I said TWO not 3 little words…):
Put away your wallets, and take notes…it’s NOT what you’re thinking.
I was told this story today: A guy she’s been out on a few dates with learned that she liked red wine. Knowing that she had a long day at work, he asked if he could stop by for a short visit and maybe bring by a bottle of wine. She said sure… he came by with wine and some chopped logs for her fireplace. He was gonna leave…he didn’t have to.
Our technology allows us to have instant responses, but guys, connections take more time than that. Try calling before texting every once in a while and try, I dunno, leaving a voicemail? The sound of your voice to say I’ll be there in 20 minutes? Much better than the text (even if she texts like she invented the damn thing). I have watched a woman’s face light up when that name appears on the call display…
The key is that these gestures have to be genuine and cannot be something that your buddy did for his girl. Because unless you like polygamy, I’m guessing your girl is not his girl…you have to find out what works for your girl or the girl you’re interested in or the girl you want to sleep with. Whatever means to your ends.
It’s easy to quote Ne-Yo, Maxwell, Robin et all… but make a line like “you can have my heart or we can share it like the last slice” work for you? It has to be sincere, which is why women love that song. Romance is NOT a bouquet of flowers (unless she likes flowers). It’s singing her favourite slow song in her ear when no one else is around…it’s holding her hand instead of your Blackberry in public…it’s greeting her with a slow kiss hello instead of a peck on the cheek…it’s calling her at 2 p.m. to say you want to do nasty things to her instead of at 2 a.m.
This is what I’m being told guys and this is what I mean by little luxuries – she will luxuriate in these moments, these gestures…just as much as the other stuff. It’s about finding out what puts a smile on her face and consistently doing it every time…try it. Tell me how it goes.