You may want to start with the previous post – The Pussy Predator, as he was friends with The Gimp. While the Predator preyed, The Gimp hobbled along on his crutches, literally. I was confused as to why he would attempt this; it’s dangerous to walk on wooden floors with heels (one spilled drink…), why he would attempt it in cast and two crutches, I couldn’t tell you. Unless…?
Nah. He wouldn’t use it to pick up women as a conversation starter? Would he?
I had to ask. He explained that he was genuinely injured, but that the added bonus was that it was a great conversation starter…in the sense that he didn’t have to start conversations. Ooops. Thanks for the announcement that you prefer the passive aggressive approach. Since I had approached him, I couldn’t fault his logic. So, I asked “what do you tell them? Saving kittens? Kids from a burning building?”
Him: “yeah! Or I say that I injured it auditioning for reality show about ultimate fighting…”
Him: (continued) …. “but once they see the body it’s obviously a lie.”
No, he wasn’t a slob. Average actually. The kind of body that knows how to kick a ball or throw a jump shot, but isn’t in a league. So why would you ruin the joke with self-deprecation? Oh honey. Work on that self esteem. You already have crutches, don’t use the psychological ones.
The “aww shucks” is a definite psychological crutch. I don’t really like the “awww shucks” approach, becasuse it’s like setting yourself up for failure. You know you’re an okay looking guy, but you gotta say that you’re no hunk. You went to school, but you’re not a genius. You have a little rhythm but you wouldn’t make it on to So You Think You Can Dance… okay okay okay! We get it. Dude, we’re not Hollywood actresses, models, nuclear scientists or ballerienas. Even if we ARE any of those things, we are talking to you. Don’t. Fuck.It. Up.
So, let’s re-write history:
“yeah! Or I say that I injured it auditioning for reality show about ultimate fighting…”
A) “…and then Georges St. Pierre sucker punched me.”
She doesn’t need to know who he is…you just need to show that YOU know what you’re talking about. If she does know that he’s the current welterweight champion… score!
B) “…and then I tripped doing my victory dance”
Sense of humour, shows you know you’re joking…
C) “…and then I realized, I’m a better lover than a fighter”
Cheesy yes, but delivered the right way…exaggerated wink, a laugh, or if you’re feeling really confident, a sexy smile – can make you a contender.
Later on, he did fall…it was expected.His friend, the Pussy Predator and another guy picked him up off the floor. The Predator then went off in search of another girl and The Gimp made his way to a couch near me. I felt bad for him as he removed his walking cast and I offered an Advil (yes, I walk with painkillers, just call me House). He declined, explained that he had a couple of drinks (so he can’t mix- good for him), he was expecting to fall and invited me to sit down. So I did. Like I said, he wasn’t a creep, a Freak, or a Cockroach. But when I sat down, he proceeded to detail his injuries…fascinating yes, but it’s a bloody nightclub. Why are we having a serious discussion when we have to shout? Get the number, invite her for coffee and explain the injury…see?
Of course, there was another self-deprecating comment. Oh honey.
Now, I was tweeting throughout the night, so he thought it would be a good idea to tease me about being a “crackberry addict” and would say “you need to put that down!” Each time he did this, it was when I was by myself and standing off to the sidelines. The 5th and last time he did it, I was actually checking the time, but I just looked at him and said “yeah, but it’s an iPhone.”
His response? “Oh, I’m not really up on the technology thing”
Okay. That’s cool. A lot of people aren’t. But if she’s holding an iPhone, chances are she’s a gadget girl. Someone who likes technology (otherwise, she’d still have a StarTac) DON’T do that…don’t talk about how you’re not interested in something she is interested in right off the bat. Do you see me walking into a sports bar on a Monday night saying “I don’t get football” ? No, because if I wanted to get a guy interested in what else I have to offer, I wouldn’t start off by with the stuff we differ on.
Well, I’m not saying that The Gimp was the light of my life or love at first sight, but if he had a better sense of self esteem, he could do so much better. He wasn’t a Gimp because he had a busted leg, he was a Gimp because he let his insecurities cripple his game…
Here’s to a speedy recovery.