What you can learn from Americans

“Go get ’em cowboy.”
-Team America, World Police

This weekend in Toronto, it was Caribana, which brings in a large amount of tourists from this country and the one just south of us…I see you down there!

With the Americans (or “Yankees” as I affectionately call them), came the complaints “too brash”, “too loud”, “too forward”, “too much” and it got me thinking. Each time I go out for Caribana, I get hit on, holla’d at, or felt up by a Yankee. But each year, they come back and my Canadian boys complain that they’re trying to move in on us women.

So, why do the Yankees succeed?I thought about it a bit because it’s not just the accents – although give me a Brooklyn or Baltimore drawl any day – which is what guys say it is (or, pffft, try to imitate). It’s not the clothes or the big cars or any of that stuff…

It’s that they have nothing to lose. Remember, they’re on vacation. Think about how you are on vacation. You have a little more swagger, you take risks, you’re a little more relaxed and flirty…


Personally, I think they crank it up a notch when they’re aren’t dealing with American women, which is why Estelle wrote a song called “American Boy” and not “London Gentlemen”.

What can you learn from the Americans?

Take chances…
Approach the unapproachable…with confidence. Was out with a couple of my girls on Friday…one guy spotted my friend and I watched him hover for 25 minutes (she was oblivious). I mean literally just hover around us.When did he approach? When she was in the middle of texting (her boyfriend by the way), when he was shot down, he said “what about your friend? She seemed a little stand off-ish, so I didn’t approach her (he was talking about my other friend not me)

Whoa…dude. You’re grasping at straws.

Another night we’re out and grab some late night food at Fran’s. The Yankees in another booth call out to me to join them. Why? “Because I think you’re attractive, and would make an interesting dinner companion…and you can bring one of your girls over too! I got my boy right here for her!” I stayed with my friends (because I’m not a 3amgirl), but he tried for 5 minutes before I finally ended the conversation. The entire time, he was pleasant, funny and most of all, sure of himself. And when I shot him down? He was ready.

Have backup….
At one point in the conversation I said, “and how drunk are you?” His two boys jumped to his defense without missing a beat “yeah, he’s a little drunk, but it doesn’t mean he doesn’t know a good thing when he sees it!”, “you should talk to him when he’s regular, you’d like him, give him your number and you can find out tomorrow…” My expression was blank, but inside, I was laughing, he came with references!

Especially if you’re not the most confident guy in the world, have somebody you can play off of (like a wingman) to help you shine and be charming. Had I been less jaded, he might’ve had my number…

Smile for fuck’s sake…
Seriously? Yankees come up here smiling like it’s Christmas morning! Why? Scantily clad women, heat and alcohol…you’d be smiling too (if you were in Trinidad, Brazil or Mexico). For the most part, they’re not leering smiles, they’re REAL smiles…the kind that make a girl smile back. The kind that make her say hi or give a head nod but keep walking…you shouldn’t just smile at the girls you want a piece of…smile at all of them. I watched one Yankee walk by some jaded girls and say “y’all ladies are looking lovely today…” I then watched him joke and flirt with all, BUT get the number of 1…but he already had his backup and therefore three more endorsements.

Be original.
“psssst” is not a pickup line for fuck’s sake and “how you doing?” only worked for Joey on Friends. ‘Nuff said.

2012 update – oh, the “hi…” and then blank stare thing that’s been happening? Stop it. Stop it now. Tell the others to stop as well. 

Don’t take or make it personal...
She’s not interested? Shrug your shoulders…there are a lot more women in this city. I once told a guy I wasn’t interested (my exact words “no, it’s alright”) his response? “Well, you’re kinda fat anyways and I thought your friend was cuter” Me: “stupid mothafucka, why are you talking to me then?” He didn’t have enough confidence to go for what he really wanted (apparently my friend), so he went for the second ring…tsk tsk. Then when he was shot down, he got upset at me? I could’ve introduced him to my friend but he opened up his big mouth.

You’re not on a timer…
I think you guys have watched Keys to the VIP a little too hard… yes, they score a girl’s number in 2 minutes or less (or they don’t), but it’s edited down and they’re on a game show! Yankees will try with you for 5, 10 minutes to meet their goal – remember they’re on vacation; they have all the time in the world. Quality, guys not quantity.

Sex comments right off the bat only work…
If you’re a celebrity (and even then, not so much). Funny trumps looks for many women, but if you crack a joke in the very first moments of conversation about getting some, you won’t.

Relax, be honest and remember: she’s not the last woman on earth.

To my  Toronto men: it’s a long weekend. Pretend you’re on vacation in your own city. Let me know how it goes.



5 thoughts on “What you can learn from Americans

  1. WRONG! At the comments about Americans doing that because they are on vacation….that is an everyday thing there. How do I know? I did it! There in America. I can go on, but I will leave it at that.Those were some good pointers though. Be confident in yourself. If you don't believe, how is someone else supposed to?

  2. To: Mr. BiscuitsAhhhh…thanks for shedding some light for us. And yes, one of my girls emailed me from NYC (where she's living) and said "no, they're just different period". But your comment did bring up a valid point: Pride. You're proud of your skills and have defended your brethren. "….that is an everyday thing there"Guys, that's another valid point: put the swag on full time, not just at the club.And for the Canadians that were pissed? Hello? It's MY opinion and theory! If you think you have what it takes, use it and you shouldn't be offended, yeah?xoxoHLBB

  3. At MaxFABHahahah! Not a preacher, just an observer! I think I'll let this one percolate and then take it to the streets. Keep the comments coming! xoxoHLBB

  4. *hit the share button.

    this is what slays me about the whole situation.. year round..dudes stay chasing their dimes of 31 flavours….dudes come up here, boosting egos and self of steams for 4 days.. and mad seasoned salt gets thrown???

    rewind and come again. a compliment is a compliment – if (women were better at accepting) and toronto men gave them more often…the world would be a better place. 😉

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