Do You Know How to Drink?

Partner, lemme upgrade you.

I’m not just talking what you consume, but how much you consume. I’m not saying you have to order Courvoisier because you heard it in a song a few years back. So I want you to ask yourself: what’s your drink? Some women judge a man by how and what they drink. I used to think I was the only one, but I found a few more out there so I thought I’d let you in on the secret. You’re out one night and see the one you want at the bar and decide to place an order. You may even offer her one and she might even accept.What you order for yourself can say a lot about you.
Question: have you been drinking Heineken all night? Great. Then don’t do what this guy did:

She likes vodka…he asks what she’s drinking and she says “vodka tonic”, he then orders two vodka tonics and says “don’t use Smirnoff”. He looks at her and says “Smirnoff is shit, I normally drink Belvedere”
Her: but you were just drinking Heineken? Him: ah, I just felt like having a beer, but normally I drink vodka.

Okay idiot boy, you’re now mixing your drinks (hello hangover!) which just screams “amateur”, she knows you’re talking out your ass about vodka and that the only reason you’re name checking Belvedere is because Hov did it first. And in this case, the girl was drinking Smirnoff, so you’ve just insulted her. Thumbs up!

Rule #1 – stay true to yourself…if you’re a beer drinking dude, then stick with the beer. She’ll admire that more than your newfound “sophisticated” tastes.

Speaking of insulting… this one happened to me a while back…

Him: what you drinking there? Me: Manhattan (vermouth, bourbon, bitters and a cherry) Him: is that like that the Sex and the City drink? Doesn’t look very girly, youknowwhatimsayin’?. Me: it’s not, it’s a little stronger… Him: so you’re drinking a guy’s drink then? Me: yes, because I’m a pre-op transsexual

Rule #2 – alcohol really has no gender… okay, I know it’s looks a little less masculine for a guy to be drinking a sex on the beach if he’s not near one. So if she’s shooting whisky? Great and if your drink is purple? Fine… enjoy. Just be able to order in confidence.

But this one has got to be my favourite, I’ve experienced it and watched it happen…

Him: “let’s do shot/buy a bottle of____” Her: “okay, but I don’t drink ___________” He then orders shots or a bottle of the unwanted alcohol because “she’ll like it”. Why? Because he likes it, and she’s just never had it “this way”


Rule #3 – if she doesn’t want to drink it, don’t impose! Tsk tsk tsk.

But probably the worst complaint of all – and this is for the guys who have girlfriends. If you are stumbling around drunk and she has to take care of you. She’ll remember.

She’ll remember every time she had to hold you back from getting into a fight, or hold your head…

She’ll remember the drunk booty call at 2 a.m or the I just called/texted to say “I love you” at 4 a.m. (no, they’re not cute)

She’ll remember getting you food so you won’t be hung over or, nurse you the next day through said hangover.

She’ll do it because she cares about you. But do it often enough and you’ll be shit out of luck, back at that bar, trying to impress some girl with your knowledge of vodka.


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