You’re a Good Kid, Charlie Brown (But just too young for me)

For those guys who are trying to bag a cougar…a bit of advice.

Today’s tale is about Charlie Brown. That’s his alias, because well, he kinda looks like him. I met Charlie Brown through a group of friends; he works within the organization that they work in and since one of my friends is his boss, it was inevitable that we would meet. At parties, we’d all chill, talk about all sorts of stuff and hang out. One day last year, Charlie Brown asks for my number because he wants to pick my brain about something. He never calls. Me? Not bothered in the least because I didn’t feel like he was trying to hit on me…but then again, I couldn’t tell. Charlie Brown wasn’t born in North America, English is not his first language and sometimes, I find it hard to understand him.

A year goes by…The friends throw another party, Charlie stops by and I find out that he’s recently been to Jamaica for a vacation, courtesy of my friend’s dad, who hosted him while he was there. My friend’s dad jokes that on his next visit Charlie should bring me.

Me: Pops… when you’re a young single man, you don’t bring sand to the beach.

Pops: Oh, I think Charlie would like it.

Charlie: *shrugs*

Me: C’mon! Guys Charlie’s age – (to Charlie) how old are you anyways?

Charlie: 24

Pops: not yet, he’s 23

Good grief!

Now, I had gathered that he was younger than me, but a whole bloody decade?! AND, in that circle of friends, he’s at least decade younger than everyone. Well, since that party 2 weeks ago Charlie’s been using the number he didn’t use last year, and showing up places that I’m at. In fact, tonight, I was headed to a friend’s place on the other side of the city and he was just rollerblading by!

Yes, now he’s everywhere I don’t want him to be. FML.

Charlie once told me that he has heard women in their 30s complain that the men in their 30s (and beyond) are too busy working to focus on their relationships, their families, or even “casual interferences” (which I thought was a cute euphemism at the time). There could be an argument for that, but that’s not why I’m writing. I’m in my 30s… I’m not a Cougar. There is a reason Cougars (those 40 and up) date 20 year olds and 30 year olds don’t.

My girls who are in their 30s and still single are busy. They’re gone from working at their job towards building their career. They’re buying homes. They’re thinking about children and NO, not because biological clocks are ticking or anything…but there are things you want to have done by a certain time in your life, so that later on, you can slow it down a bit. Yes, we want to have “casual interferences”, and sometimes we slug it out with the men our age (or older) in hopes of taking the “casual” to a “relationship”. But this is why the Cougar comes into existence. She was so busy experiencing, building and (sometimes) restarting her life, that one day she sat down and figured out the Cougar formula:

The Cougar Formula

“ME”

+ Lessons learned in my 20s

+ Status and security gained in my 30s

– Kids who are (almost ready to leave home)

– Husband/significant other

+ A body at its peak (in all ways)

+ Time to think about ME again

= RECESS!

Look at everyone’s favourite Cougar: Demi. She was married, had her 3 babies divorced, reached top levels of her career and could slow it down a bit by the time she hit her 40s. Or, how about Kim Cattrall? Both on screen and in real life, she headed out to frosh week to get her latest man. Had they met these guys when they were in their 30s, those boys wouldn’t have stood a chance. Never mind the fact that these guys were still in HIGH SCHOOL back then, no guy in his 20s would’ve stood a chance with them, okay?

Before you point it out…

I KNOW that a lot of it does have to do with maturity levels and stage of life, but:

  • When your pants are hanging so low that I feel compelled to tell you to pull them up…
  • When “old skool” means the “New Jack Swing” or “Grunge”…
  • When you’ve only seen the Cosby show in reruns…
  • If you think a skateboard is an acceptable way to commute to work…
  • When you don’t have OACs, because you no longer had to take them…
  • When you think it’s cool that I have a “real job” with lots of responsibilities…
  • When you don’t know that “AC Slater” is the guy hosting America’s Next Dance Crew…
  • When going out at night involves pictures going up on Facebook the next day…
  • When you wonder why I’m going to “another” friend’s wedding or baby shower…

and/or

  • When I can remember what I was doing the year you were born

Then sweetie, you’re too young for me.

I will figure out a way to let Charlie Brown know (nicely) that he’s too young for me. Right now, he’s being persistent…if he’s gets pushy, I’m gonna have to push back. I’m rejecting him not simply because of chronology, but because we are at different stages of our lives…he’s experiencing and I’m building. I don’t feel like being his experience, I don’t feel like teaching a young pup new tricks, and I don’t feel like babysitting.

At the end of the day…I want to play with someone (closer to) my own age…

If anyone knows how I can let Charlie Brown down, nicely please, leave a comment here, or hit me up on twitter – suggestions are very welcome right now! All I’ve been doing is avoiding the calls and if he does catch me, I’ve been playing the “busy card”. For instance, he wanted to go for a drink tonight, I said I was busy (always true), and then he saw me heading to my friend’s place… I did not elaborate on the purpose of my visit (which was to eat food and watch UFC fights while planning another HLBB shoot)… I think he drew his own conclusion…

I’ll keep you posted…

UPDATE #1 – July 15/09 – my point proven – Kim Cattrall just split up with her younger man

The “friend” quoted says – “They realized that they were at different points in their lives. They still care about each other and will remain friends.”

Mmm hmm…

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